The Story of Zhang

Chapter 7.5-Ch'en's Complication

[6:23pm Ch'en's Office]

"Don't you think Zhang's a bit too old for naps like that?" Swire suddenly asked Ch'en, whose lap was the resting spot for Zhang's head.

Ch'en looked up from her papers with a piercing glare.

"What do you think gives you the right to say that?" She stated.

"I-It wasn't a criticism, far from it." Swire defended. "I'm just curious as to why you act so differently with him, compared to everyone else. Of course, I know he is you're son, but, is there more to it?"

Ch'en sighed. "It's hard for me to explain."

"Well, give it your best shot." Swire smiled. "It'd do you some good to lean on other people a bit."

Ch'en nodded, then took a deep breath to compose herself.

"M-My love for Zhang..." She began. "...goes beyond just the maternal instinct. That is a large part of it, don't get me wrong, but he means so much to me for a few other reasons as well."

Swire kept listening intently.

"Zhang has done so much for me without even realizing, much less trying." Ch'en looked straight at Swire. "Any ideas on what exactly?"

"Huh?" Swire pondered for a little while. "...N-not really, no."

"Zhang came into my life at an extremely low point." Ch'en said quietly. "I had lost nearly everything I had ever cared about, even this job was threatened due to rumours of me being infected, but I still kept a brave face."

Swire eagerly awaited for her to continue.

"During the first few months of pregnancy, I went back and forth in my mind between going through with my child or aborting it due to how busy I am." Ch'en set her pen down. "Obviously, in the end, I decided that I should give them the chance to live. Or maybe it was a more selfish reason, like not wanting my bloodline to die with me."

"I think you made the right choice." Swire interjected.

"I...think so too." Ch'en resumed. "With Zhang, my feelings towards the world around me changed so drastically."

Ch'en lent back and stared at the ceiling.

"Ever since the delivery surgeon gave Zhang to me, and I held him in my arms for the first time." She closed her eyes and smiled. "I've felt that, this city, Lungmen, could burn to the ground overnight, but as long as I had Zhang, safe and sound, with me, I wouldn't be upset."

Swire looked surprised, but didn't say anything.

"Zhang also made me feel happiness again, in a time when the emotion was becoming foreign to me." Ch'en wiped a singular tear away from her eyes.

Ch'en then returned her gaze to Swire.

"So, despite my crassness, I could never be even the slightest bit harsh on someone who has so drastically improved my life, especially as that person, is my own child." Ch'en's expression than changed to a more concerned one. "But, I'm afraid."

"Afraid?" Swire questioned. "Afraid of what?"

"Beatrix, I'm afraid of my adoration for Zhang." Ch'en confessed. "It's...messing...with my psyche."

"How?" Swire leaned forward.

"I can't remember when it started..." Ch'en started gently brushing Zhang's hair with her fingers. "But, there's this voice, in the back of my mind, that just constantly tells me to protect him. And it's gradually getting louder and louder. I could ignore it at first, because it would be supressed by me telling myself that I was stupid to worry that much."

Swire frowned and gestured for her to continue.

"But over time and especially since...l-last week...I couldn't subdue it effectively anymore." Ch'en felt herself tear up, but didn't bother to clear them. "It's reached the point where, if someone I don't have enough trust in, gets too close to Zhang, I have to restrain myself from stepping in and pushing them away. Even something as simple as him not being in my line of sight, sends a spike of anxiety through my heart."

Ch'en steadied herself.

"It could even affect Zhang himself, more specifically, his view on me." She stared at sleeping son and smiled. "Every time I see him, I have to hold myself back, otherwise I would hug him. That wouldn't be so bad a few times, but if I gave in all the time, I fear Zhang would grow sick of it, and I don't know if I could take denial of my affections from him very well. Then, there's also the reasons for me wanting to embrace him. When he's in my arms, is when I feel he is safest and so it appeases my conscience."

Swire simply looked at Ch'en with a mix of shock and concern.

"It's not good for me." Ch'en's voice squeaked a little. "When Zhang was t-taken last week. I went on a murderous rampage, I didn't care who I had to kill, as long as I could have Zhang back with me and safe from harm, but now, I have come to regret that. It's not the way I should've handled it."

Ch'en looked back at Swire.

"So, now, I'm scared that my love for, and protectiveness of Zhang, may bring harm to innocent people who just get near him." She said. "Even my friends, like you and Hoshiguma. If this voice gets loud enough to the point where it takes control, I want you to stay away from me, Swire, you and Hoshi."

"Wow..." Swire turned away from Ch'en. "I never realized it was that hard for you..."

"I know. It probably sounds like a mental condition." Ch'en looked past Swire, out the window, to the cityscape of Lungmen. "I would like to get help, but, even though I know the dangers of it, whenever I'm protecting Zhang, or feel like I am, the feeling I get is so incredibly gratifying. It's like a drug."

Both Ch'en and Swire remained silent after Ch'en's monologue.

[Zhang's Perspective]

Woah...Hoshiguma wasn't kidding.

I cringe a little inside, feeling a bit guilty for not noticing it sooner.Mum...I'll make it up to you, once I gain the freedom of being an adult.

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A/N: Just a short one today. Not long enough to be considered a proper chapter, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless. Also, tomorrow I'll release the first part of a new fanfic for Arknights. Give it a read if you're interested.