cute librarian // chanlix

chapter 8

it had taken a while for the weather to turn the humdrum rain into snow, but with christmas being only a few days away, it finally gave in. the world was erased beneath the mountains of crystalline white, showing only the sides of buildings that were sheltered by oversized roofs and the undersides of tree branches. felix thanked the sky for giving him this sudden snowfall, which forced the school to allow christmas break to begin early.

karma brought chan by again the day after felix had avoided him, and the librarian braved his way through a conversation about chan's tryst. the moth-eaten couch housed them as he talked and felix listened, and as much as he hated hearing another boy's name roll off his friend's tongue with such happiness, just the sight of his eyes sparkling with joy was enough to make him shove his selfish thoughts aside. seeing chan happy was all felix ever wanted his eyes to recognize. the world could go dark forever, but that smile would keep felix under the sun until the end of time.

yesterday being filled with chan-driven conversation, felix was burned out and ready to go home for a week. as much as he wished every moment would place him at the taller boy's side, he knew that right now it was the one thing he couldn't handle.

now, the blank canvas of a world sped by in a white blur from behind the train window where felix sat sleepily; the roomy seat gave him space to curl up and space out on the ride to his small home in the suburbs. he was desperate to be in the heat of his house, watching old home movies with his mom and staying up late with his younger sister, olivia. he missed them dearly, and he wanted to be around his old friends and his close family for christmas. that might be the only thing that can get his mind off the emotions that are pressing him into oblivion.

he pulled his headphones over his ears, beginning a playlist his best friend from back home, han jisung, had compiled not too long ago. he let the beats of radiohead pump through his head and lull him into a stupor against the icy window, watching through half-closed eyes as the train brought him home, momentarily letting a thought of chan slip by and smiling sadly.