cute librarian // chanlix

chapter 11

"hannie, please let me inside! it's freezing out here!"

"hold on, i'll be right there!"

he is a liar! felix huffed, watching the cold air swirl
around before his eyes as he shivered on the porch in
han's house. he was about to call for the boy again, but
the lock clicked as he opened his mouth.

"hey, lixie."

"HANNIE!"

as felix lurched forward and tackled his best friend in
a constrictive bear hug, the boy giggled a muffled, "how many times to i have to tell you that you can call me jisung?"

"i like your last name. that's what i called you in high school. i like tradition!"

jisung never really understood that, but smiled softly anyway. he was just happy to see his friend again.

"come on, let's go to my room."

felix trotted behind the slightly taller boy like a puppy
and threw himself down on the king size bed that
swallowed up the bedroom. jisung hopped into the
gaming chair beside his desk and pulled his knees up to his
chest, resting his chin on them and raising his eyebrows in
questioning as he watched felix roll back and forth over
his bed like an animal.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"your bed is huge! so much room to move!"

"you're such a child."

"you're just a day older than me."

"whatever. i'm still older than you."

jisung has never been a let-them-down-easy kind of guy. he believes that wasting time with useless forms of comfort or coddling is pointless, and if anything is to be done, the issue at hand should just be addressed and dealt with immediately. but, in a very specific instance, he ignores all that, because sometimes people need to be cared for before they can care for themselves. he sees there's something bothering felix- it's evident all over. the way he hugged him when he barged inside the house, the way he's sporadically making jokes and acting extra happy- they're all things only jisung would notice, and even though jisung wants him to be happy, before he can make that possible, he needs to ease into it.

"so, how's school been?"

"you sound like my mom."

"just answer the question, felix."

"fine!" felix laughed, but it was weak and short. jisung
hated it when he laughed like that- like he's hiding
something. "it's been..uh, well... school itself has been
fine. classes aren't hard, grades are fine. it's just-y'know,
the people."

"which people? have you made new friends up there?"

"one new friend. met him at the library," felix confirmed, scratching the back of his neck anxiously.

"is he giving you a hard time?"

"not directly."

jisung sighed, wishing he would just spit it out already,
but he knows it's rude to rush shoy along like that. he
plucked the brown hair tie from his wrist and pulled the
mess of bleached blonde hair falling in his eyes back,
tugging a few pieces out in the front. settling a little deeper
into the chair, he felt a sadder smile tugging as he
encouraged, "please tell me what's wrong, felix. you look
like you're hurting.."

the boy on the bed looked down at his lap, seeing the redness of his palms and grimacing at his inability to seem okay. he tells himself, jisung can help, you should tell him, but he's so afraid. it's quite funny, you see-lee felix can talk for hours on end about how friar lawrence was responsible for romeo and juliet's deaths, or why dwight is the best character from the office, or how important it is to like breakfast foods- but when he really needs to talk about something important, something that's killing him inside, not a word can be spoken.

"let's start with this- what's this guy's name?"

"chan... well uh, his name's christopher bang."

"how'd you meet him?"

"well, he came into the library one day to check out
books, and we talked for a minute. then he started coming
back, for books and... and to see me."

"what does he look like?" jisung continued, seeing the
way felix melted into the conversation. he seemed softer,
like he felt safer now that he'd said the boy's name.

"he has curly brown hair that falls into his eyes sometimes. it's so fluffy. he's tall, taller than you, i mean like you aren't that tall so... he's strong and he wears a lot of hoodies, and he has these brown eyes that look so deep and mesmerizing, and they're the most beautiful brown eyes i've seen maybe in my whole life," his eyes shimmered from behind a few heavy sand-colored locks as he described his friend.

"and what's he like? is he a good friend?"

"I'd say so, yeah. he's sweet. he loves to read, and he
loves movies. he likes it when it rains, and he likes milk
tea. he's really genuine, just all the time- it's like he has
nothing to hide, he just is how he is. he's unapologetic, and
he's funny, and he has the kindest smile, one that makes
you feel like he's never smiled at anyone else the way he
smiles at you. he's he's just wonderful. he really is."

"you sound like you like him."

felix's eyes welled, and blood rushed to every open space in his face. he felt his throat closing, and he was so embarrassed to be a crybaby.

"let it out, felix. it's okay.

"that's the problem, hannie," felix spoke, the words
twisted behind his teeth coming out strangled and sad, "i
like him too much. i..... jesus, han, i think i'm in love with
him."

jisung's chest felt heavy at the sight of felix feverishly
wiping away tears, heaving heavy sobs as he spoke in
broken sentences. he didn't get up to hug him; he felt like
moving would stop felix from letting himself say what he
needed to. the boy before him was on a roll, as inappropriate as that term may be- interrupting the flow of his emotions might make him hole up forever. felix can't survive on bottled up emotions, and jisung won't let him

"hannie, he's with someone else. he came into my life,
made me fall for him, and then moved on to someone else
without even thinking for just a fucking second that maybe
he's hurting me. i..... i can't take it. i can't listen to him talk
about that other guy... how he's such a talented player or
the school volleyball team, how he's so hot and how he's
older and taller and prettier and everything i can't be for
him. i can't do it anymore, hannie.... i just can't."

his voice was a whisper now, rough and strained. he'd run out of words, and he'd run out of tears. jisung hoisted himself out of the chair and sat on the edge of the bed beside felix and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"hannie, what do i do?"

"for now, i think all you can do is wait. wait until the
time is right, and let what happens happen. you deserve
the most love, felix, and time will tell if he is the right
person to give it to you."

"i want it to be him, han," felix said, his voice timid
as a mouse,

"so badly."

"all in due time, felix," jisung sighed and pulled his
best friend in for a hug. he hopes this chris dude
comes to his senses soon, because he never wants to see
felix endure such heartbreak ever again.

"all in due time"

a/n: the your eyes mv is rly pushing my delulu ness