That One Time We Kissed // Bishova College AU

The Fall

From the second Kate read Yelena's text, a sinking feeling crept into her stomach like a drop of ink in water; her hair stood on end. The message wasn't even particularly ominous, just a simple question, but Kate feared the worst.

Can I see you tonight?

Kate immediately replied yes, and regretted it just as quickly. It was late, it was cold out, and the brunette was seconds from anxious sleep when the flash of a notification garnered her attention. It would have been wiser to table any discussion until morning, when sleep had the chance to soothe nerves and assuage anxieties, but impulse won out, and soon frantic knocking rapped on Kate's door.

"When you said tonight, I didn't realize you meant now," Kate joked as she stepped into the hall, tentative smile dropping at the sight of the other woman. "Have you been crying? What's wrong?"

To say Yelena appeared disheveled was an understatement. Her oversized hoodie, dirt on the back, hung loosely off one shoulder, her braided hair stuck out wildly, frizzy and tangled. Her face, her usually beautiful and smiling face, had mascara streaked down her cheeks, her eyes were red and puffy, and she wiped furiously at a leaking nose.

"I'm sorry," Yelena started simply, and Kate waited for her to add on, though she never did.
Kate resisted the urge to step forward and wrap Yelena in a hug. She was clearly not in the best headspace, clearly fragile, so any action needed to be initiated by the blonde.

"Yelena, what is wrong?"

"I..." she breathed shakily. "I'm sorry."

"For what, love?"

Yelena crumpled at the name, leaning back onto the wall opposite Kate's door. "You're too good, Kate..."

Her words slurred slightly, and Kate's eyes narrowed. "You're kind of scaring me, here. Did something happen?"

The blonde nodded, slow and deliberate. "Yeah. I made a mistake."

"Okay, the cat and mouse is fun and all, but it's late and I'm gonna need you to be a little less vague."

"My mistake, Kate Bishop," she stepped forward, surprisingly taking one of Kate's hands. She observed the larger hand with clouded eyes, turning it over and tracing the bones, the veins. "My mistake was thinking I was capable of this. Or worthy of it."

Kate's stomach sunk even further, and she fought her own tears now. "What? Yelena, you are worthy of this. You deserve so much more than I can give you."

Deflating, Yelena let Kate's hand drop. "See? You're so blinded by love you can't even see who I am. Who I really am. Who I always will be."

"I like who you are, don't you see that? I love your fire and your ambition and your leadership. I love... you."

"I know," Yelena whispered. "That's kind of the problem. All the people who have ever 'loved' me, who were supposed to love me, never did for very long. You say you love me now, Kate Bishop, but you don't know what tomorrow will bring."

"I..." reeling, Kate shook her head. "I don't understand. I thought we were good. Look, if this is about Thanksgiving, then I'm sorry. It was probably a bit much, but I thought it was fun."

"Of course you don't understand. Like I said, you're too good." Yelena stepped even further back. "It wasn't just Thanksgiving. It was your crazy mom, and your too sweet dad, and those baby pictures, and French, and this fucking Christmas ball, and Pepper."

"What the fuck, Yelena? You're supposed to tell me when that stuff bothers you, not stew on it for a weekend and show up at my door at midnight."

Fresh tears rolled down Yelena's cheeks. "See? I don't know how to do this, any of this. I was so stupid to think I could make it work."

"Yelena, I don't know how to do this either. But we were learning. Together. At least I thought we were."

"I guess," she hiccuped, "I guess we both thought wrong."

"Yeah. I guess so."

Silence hung between the two, thick and crushing. Yelena remained leaning against the opposite wall, not even bothering to wipe her tears anymore. The overwhelming urge for Kate to try to offer some solace to the blonde was outweighed by her shock, her sadness, her anger. With nothing else to say, Kate moved for the door, but Yelena reacted to this, almost imperceptibly inching closer.

"It's late, Yelena..." Kate sighed, eyes on the floor. "Let's get some sleep."

"You know I can't stay..."

"I'm not asking you to stay. I'm asking you to go." She opened the door and entered halfway. "Let's take a break, Lena. I guess that's what you've been saying this whole time. You've got my number, call if you need me."

Reaching feebly out, Yelena watched as Kate disappeared back into her room, the door shutting with a click. The blonde left so much unsaid, held so much back, and restrained from calling out for the brunette.

In the end, Yelena got she got what she wanted, or, what she thought she wanted. She had broken it off, cut her ties, shaken off the strings. This should have been liberating, a return to independence, but as Yelena stumbled out of Kate's building, trudging in the middle of the street, why did she feel so miserable?

Kate felt equally as miserable as she rolled back into bed, replaying the conversation on loop in her mind. She should have tugged Yelena to her chest, told her she was there, she'd always be there, but the blonde was cryptic and distraught and it made Kate's head spin.

Should she have seen this coming? At the start, maybe, but Yelena seemed so happy, seemed to be changing, seemed to be thriving.

"Seemed," Kate mumbled, wiping a hand down her tired face. Seemed was the operative word. How could Kate know what brewed in Yelena's head? She was no mind reader, barely even a body language reader, but maybe she missed the signs.

Tabling that introspection for the morning, Kate rolled over with a sigh in her ice cold dormitory bed, wishing she shared it with Yelena.