Bride of War (18+)

62

I open the door, setting a plate of food on the table as I go. Nathaniel looks up at me.

I sit down, with a sigh. My son. He has my eyes.

"It's not forever," I explain. "I just don't want anyone to be able to say you had something to do with this. And if you're here, no one can accuse you."

Nathaniel scoffs. "Why did you bring me that? I don't need it."

I shrug, glancing at the food. "There are lots of things in life you may not need to survive, but that makes it worth living."

He rolls his eyes. "Such human ideology -"

"I want to explain something to you," I inhaled, holding my hands. "Before you were born, a god had a son with a human."

Nathaniel pauses.  I stand looking out the window.

"This son began to exhibit his mother's power, and eventually, became an existence close to what you are. But because his mother was the godly origin, he was stronger."

I clench my jaw. "In time this child began to rule over humans. A king he called himself. As time passed the gods and the balance overlooked him until...he went too far."

I swallow. "And a council was called. And he was dragged from his mother's arms, screaming, and was killed. Or rather, was done away with. Wiped from existence."

I look back. "He forgot he was still human. I didn't want that for you. I thought if you lived your life quietly, no one would pay attention to the fact that you...shouldn't exist."

I swallow. "So no, Nathaniel. I didn't want you to think yourself superior on account of me. And I never praised you for genes you didn't ask to carry. And I definitely didn't treat you differently. You are all my children-"

He rolls his eyes.

"And I love you all equally. But that's not what you what. That's not what you desire, you want me to love you more, to think you better-"

"I am better,"

"No, Nathaniel. I'm better. You didn't contribute these genes, you didn't ascend to godhood because of strength," I turn around.

"I fucked your mother and you happened to come into existence by accident. That doesn't make you better. What makes someone better, is being a better person. Not genes you had no control over."

His eyes widened.

"I didn't want you to focus on being the son of a god. I wanted you to be a good person, Nathaniel. And the more I tried to push you to develop as an individual the more you clung to me, and who I am as a personality."

I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Do you understand?  I don't love you because of blood, I love you because you're my child. And all I want is for you to feel..."

I frown, clenching my jaw.

"I don't want your worth as a person in your eyes to hinge on me. I want you to be proud of who you are. No who your father is," I say slowly.

I wonder if he's understanding me. I'd think he's old enough now. My entire worth is based on me being Slade god of war.

And it is exhausting. I just want him to be happy with himself. Him. Nathaniel. Not me. I don't want him to think like I do.

To live as I do, knowing my only worth comes from being a god.

Nathaniel gets up, picking up a brownie from the plate.

"You got all this from her," he says. "You never used to be this soft."

I lean back with a sigh. "It's true. I've always felt these things, but I didn't know how to express them. She helped me to express the things I think but don't know how to say."

I stand. "Just stay here, son. Until this is all over. I won't let anyone tear you from my arms."

He paused, looking at the brownie. "Ah...yes father."

I nod, patting his head. "Good. Good job, son."