Forbidden Glass Doll

Chapter 3

Julianna

I can't see anything.

I guess it was ironic really. In life, I took advantage of manipulating what men saw and fed on their visions of lust. In death, I was to live in eternity without the sense that I had prided in life...fucking poetic.

I wouldn't even say that I was seeing black, because that would insinuate there was something to see, an endless realm of darkness unfolding endlessly in my vision would have been a welcome relief. But my bearings were much too finicky at the moment to even recognize darkness. There was just nothing. The true meaning of void began to take hold of me. Or what I presumed to be me in this place. I felt nothing, there was nothing to feel, and nothing to put feeling to.

Such emptiness...although that would mean that I wasn't full? A shell, yes, simply a shell of something that was in the past, yet nothing now and becoming nothing yet. There wasn't peace, no, then I would feel something, I would get to feel peaceful. In the same way, there wasn't fear, happiness or anger. Just a hollow void, that becomes less and less as the vessel which used to be filled continued to fade.

Until a spark.

Nothing fiery, or abrupt, not even a spark that was visible. But the slightest particle of a stirring. For but a moment I feel. In the vastness of nothing, I felt the tiniest sliver of longing. Longing for what was, for the hollowness to be filled. For what used to make up the very fabric of me, and all the elements of myself to be knit back together. I feel nothing, yet the slightest bit of longing.

And then I feel everything...

Everything about who I was and am come crashing down into the void.

It's excruciating.

In a short moment, I am made aware of every last one of my cells. I can feel every fold and wrinkle on every inch of my skin. I can feel the proteins of my muscles as they move, stitching themselves back into being. My blood feels like a gushing river as my heart pumps my life force back into every inch of my body. The feeling of fresh life is exhilarating and rejuvenating on a level that I had never previously experienced.

And then there is nothing...

............................................................................................

My body jerks viciously as I gasp. I begin couching and hacking violently, as I roll myself onto my front. Sharp stones and debris from the concrete dig into the palms of my hands as I brace myself. My lungs continue to contract, and I begin to spew some bile in my confused state.

I can vaguely make out the feeling of hands on my back and could hear the garbling of a distorted voice, but I am too distraught to pay any more attention to my surroundings. My entire focus is simply on my coughing and getting precious air back into my greedy lungs. My throat burns at both the hacking and bile, I feel fresh tears escape down my face, and my headache returns full force.

It takes me several minutes to find my bearings again, and another few minutes for my breath to fully even out. With shaky hands, I wipe my eyes and clear away some of the gunk from crying. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out, as my lungs have stopped seizing.

By gaining awareness, I am able to better discern my surroundings. Looking around I recognize that I am still in the same alleyway as last night, but it is no longer dark. The sun has risen, and it is obvious that morning has been around for a while now. I also realize I am not alone. Instead, it feels as if I am being held.

I immediately try to spin around in panic, but the arms caging me tighten down.

"Shh, I've got you, Jules," Titus' voice echoes lowly in my ear. My body relaxes at his familiar voice, and I slump in his hold. My body is pressed tightly against his firm chest, his strong arms encasing me. Without realizing it I had fisted his t-shirt, and as my body continues to relax, my tightly fisted hands let go of the course fabric.