Gods & Thieves

17. Hide and Hail

༄༄༄

"...shaman magic can be divided into several aura affinities," I read.

In this forgotten corner of the library, there's not a soul around. Not a sound. Only my voice and Loretto movements as fae keeps clearing the shelves, busy and focused. Were I to be stuck in such a place with a shaman, alone, just a month ago, I'd have freaked out, but now--my pulse doesn't even bother to shake my heart and suggest to look around. As though I've spent years in the Great temple already, as though this is the very place I should be. Time must be playing jokes on me again.

"Empathy and healing, wards and portals, and natural elements. Natural elements include fire, earth, water, air, lightning..." Loretto doesn't react as I pause, doesn't seem to be entertained. At the back of my mind, I still attempt to think of a question good enough to surprise Loretto once more, yet frustratingly, my mind is empty now. "And shit." Zero reaction. And what a complete waste of time, right? Can't the rabbit librarian fix the aura abyss? We should be investigating Valto's murder before one of us winds up dead too, pry out Maricela's evil plans! I slam the book shut. "Why am I reading this, Loretto? I know what lightning is. Loretto!"

I can't deny that saying faer name out loud is satisfying, especially after being officially granted permission to do so. It tastes sharp on my tongue, meaningful. And Loretto's head instantly jerks sideways, toward my voice, reacting to the name as if it's a spell I cast.

My mentor stops piling the books on the floor. Stepping away from them, Loretto slowly turns around and stares at the volume shut in my hands. Faer expression grows glum. "I really thought it'd work."

"What would work?"

"The library's atmosphere, the tranquility. But you still can't concentrate, can you?"

I shrug. "There's nothing worthy of concentrating on."

Loretto is about to say something, but then a new thought flashes in faer eyes. "Huh." A troubling thought. "You do know you're reckless, explosive, and easily distracted, right? You tend to lose track of time, misplace things, constantly fidget and bite your nails without even noticing. You seem to think of and feel several things at once. And you either obsess over things--like fixing that watch of yours--or quickly get bored and can't finish a task at all without proper motivation."

I go still, realizing that although I haven't been fidgeting at the moment, my nail is picking at the wooden edge of the tabletop without intending to, ruining the perfectly polished surface. "Thanks for listing my flaws."

"No, that's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to figure...do you have ADHD?"

"What?"

"Attention deficit hyperactivity disor--"

"I know what that is! Are you saying I'm defective?" I must've sounded more hurt than I actually am, because Loretto's expression softens. It happens suddenly and unexpectedly, and the warmth in faer eyes sends an equally warm wave over my skin. It feels nice. Maybe I should pretend to be hurt more often.

"No, Eli. I'm saying that your brain works in a slightly different way, and needs a different approach. So what? It doesn't make you defective." Loretto crosses over, taking the book from my hands. "Besides, if everyone was identical, the world would have been dull and tedious, right? But I do need to find a damn way to motivate you."

I mull over Loretto's words. They make sense, somehow, just...Kofi scolds me for biting my nails, and Mom always rolls her eyes when I forget my jackets in the kitchen. And at school, I usually ended up in detention for failing to listen to the teachers and getting lost in my own thoughts, and was lectured about what a failure I was. As though they enjoyed making me feel less until I actually believed them. And Loretto now says...so what? That's okay to be me? My heart clenches. I'm me. So what?