Gods & Thieves

27. Jealous and Lonely

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The rest of the day I spend in seething frustration.

I can't practice magic today anymore for I'm the furthest thing from serenity; I can't think of how I'm gonna talk to Cale for this matter should be handled carefully and I'm too unhinged to think in cold blood; I can't go talk to Cale, for Maricela's spies discreetly cast me glances from everywhere, so I only glare at them in return.

I wander around Tik'al, browse a few books at the library without really reading, chew two more pieces of corn cake until I feel like puking with it, and--wait for Loretto to return. I won't say sorry first, because I'm not the one who started arguing, or...maybe I will. But only when I see fae is ready to be rational again.

Loretto doesn't return.

I neither find fae at the library at the time fae is usually there, nor see my mentor show up at dinner, as though Loretto is avoiding me on purpose. At some point, I fancy starting a fight with one of the guards, because when I'm in trouble, Loretto always miraculously shows up to sort out the mess, and it'd be a perfect way to forget our quarrel--rewrite the last memory with another memory, as they say, and pretend nothing happened at all.

But I guess I'm not violent enough or too pathetic, because I can't invent a good reason for fighting, too.

And so, once the sun begins to climb down the horizon, painting the world amber and sultry, I've nothing to do but shuffle back to the apartments, determined to simply ignore my mentor like the worst puppy ever. Only...the apartment's door is shut.

The air in my lungs turns stale as I realize it.

Glancing around the loggia to make sure I'm not an idiot to confuse doors, I try the handle again, but it won't yield. But it always does, how could it not? Loretto has set the spell-lock to let me in and out anytime, I shouldn't need a key for the keyhole that doesn't exist!

"Loretto?" I knock, listening. Was our fight really that bad? As bad as to leave me sleeping in the halls? Or Loretto is not even there? Could something happen? The council suddenly acting out or...Cale learning I've befriended a shaman. Would he actually risk sending someone to harm Loretto, then?

Apparently, nobody still can harm Loretto, though, because a suffering minute later, the door swings open. Loretto stops at the threshold, without stepping aside to let me in. Fae doesn't seem angry anymore, or cynical, only rumpled, as though has been sleeping all day, and it almost makes me snarl--since I was beside myself all day!--but then my eyes meet Loretto's, and my pride cringes. Maybe it's just the pinkish sunset, of course, but Loretto's eyes seem red as though after...crying.

"What do you want?" Loretto asks, faer voice hoarse. "It's late, and I've nothing else to tell you."

I swallow, my chest hollowing once again. You need more than magic to hurt me, Loretto's words echo in my memory. Did I really do that? Did I find Loretto's weakness that hurts this much? Did I finally learn to hurt with my words harder than my fists? I am a bully. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...You're not coward, and not lonely. I'm sorry you don't have a family; I'd share mine with you if I could. "I live here."

Loretto sniffs. "No, you don't. They've assigned personal rooms to you. Downstairs, right beneath mine."

"Since when?"

"A week ago."

Unsettlement begins to coil in my hollowed chest. I don't want a personal room. Not now. I could justify this if I were asked to move right after breaking Loretto's bathroom door with my crippled rune, but today...Why doesn't feel like goodbye? Aren't we friends anymore? "You never told me."