Brotherhood lasts a lifetime

Chapter 2

30 minutes later Buck stopped his Truck in front of their home. He knew Street would be inside, so he just stayed in the car for a little while longer. He didn't want his boyfriend to see him like that. Even though he had seen him like that before.

He knew if he asked, Street would cancel in the blink of an eye but was that really what Buck wanted? He had always been a very social person. He had loved to go to parties, family gatherings, team cookouts, and all the other stuff. He had loved all these things till the day he had to bury his husband, best friend, and brother at the much too young age of 22.

Mac had just been three years older. Since the funeral, he couldn't stand gatherings anymore. They reminded him too much of the family gathering he had with Mac and his family, which he also hadn't seen in seven years.

He knew it was time. It was time to live again. He had promised Mac, in their last minute together, that he would never stop living. But he had broken that promise just two weeks later.

Sure, at first, he was consumed with grief and guilt and he still grieved and felt the guilt of not being able to save the man which back he was supposed to watch, but it had gotten better.

He didn't want to die anymore. He had found love again. He could love again. But he still couldn't bring himself to live as much as before anymore. In his eyes, it just didn't seem fair.

After all, he was the reason Mac had been there that day. It should have been Buck in his position. But they switched, and Mac had died while his husband was damned to live.

A knock on the driver's window startled him out of his thoughts.

"Ev? You okay?" Buck just nodded slowly and opened the door.

"Yeah... I probably would believe you, if you hadn't just sat 40 minutes in our driveway and if there weren't any tears on your face." Street sounded concerned.

"If it is too much my love, we don't have to go. I promised you on our very first date, I would never press you into something you weren't comfortable with and I, himself will set the devil on me, if I will do it now. So please tell me if you don't really want to go. You are more important than my team!"

And that was the thing, Buck knew all of that. And his brain didn't want anything more than to nod and have a night in with his boyfriend but his heart arched.

Expect from work, grocery shopping, and doctors appointments the last time he could force himself to go out was Chris's Birthday four months ago. He knew it had gotten worse again. Just like right after the funeral where he wouldn't leave his home at all and his old commander had to practically drag him out. He had ordered him to meet with a shrink. And he did and it worked, but now?

Since months he felt conflicted about socializing. The only "social" things he did, were drinking coffee with his sister once a week in a park, where nearly no one ever goes, with coffee he brought from home, and movie nights with Chris and Eddie every other Friday.

He turned towards his boyfriend and took his hand.

"Did I ever tell you about the last minutes with Mac?", he asked uncertainly. Street knew this was important for the love of his life, so he just shook his head, squeezed Buck's hand, and stayed quiet.

"We were out on a mission. A simple one. We just had to watch over a meeting with an American diplomat and a local government officer. We had done it before and everything had gone smoothly. The only difference that day was, that Mac and I had switched places. So he was down there as the Americans Bodyguard together with Zahit our translator and I was the sniper."

Street knew most of it. Expect from the part that he knew his boyfriend would feel guilty about. The part where he implicated that he was supposed to die that day and not his husband.