Brotherhood lasts a lifetime

Chapter 10

The third time he woke was to a softly held conversation. He could still feel the weight of his boyfriend next to him on the bed and stayed silent. He was contend with his current situation and wanted his brain to work a little better, before he made himself known.

"You know Evan, from what if seen so far, he is just as gone for you, as you are for him." Street could practically hear the smirk in his college voice.

"But what if he... if he gets tired of me? If he decides, I am too much to deal with?", Evan's voice was barely more than a whisper as he spoke. Street could hear the hurt in his voice.

After one of his particular bad nightmares, Evan had opened up about some of his childhood trauma. How everyone he ever had loved, had left him. How first his parents had given up on him after he couldn't save his brother. How all the foster placements, rejected him and how he somewhat ended up in an abusive foster family (tragically the only placement, Evan had stayed in longer than a year).

Throughout his whole childhood Evan had learned that, when people got tired of him, they would either leave him or beat the crap out of him.

And all the self-esteem that he had managed to build while his time with the SEALs, had been destroyed by Mac's death. (Not that Street ever would hold Mac accountable for that! But it was, what it is...)

"Kid, I know you for what? Two weeks? I've seen you and Street together once. And from that one time, I can tell, that he really loves you. You two have been together a really long time, from what I heard, so I don't think you have to be worried about it."

Evan next to him didn't seem to be satisfied with Deacon's answer. Street turned towards Evan. It brought him some pain, but it was worth it.

"Your awake!", Evan gasped: "Let... Let me... Let me... I..."

Street carefully placed his hand on Evan's face, holding him in place so he had to look at him. Evan's eyes met his and the other man seemed to calm down again. They were both trapped in each other's eyes. Trapped in the moment.

In the back of his mind, Street registered, that Deacon silently left the room. He knew, that there were probably doctors waiting for him to be awake long enough to answer some questions, and explain stuff to him, but right now, all that mattered was his boyfriend.

"Evan, I can never get tired of you!", he stated, without hesitation. He knew it was true. There wasn't an aspect of Evan "Buck" Buckley that he didn't love.

Sure, he hoped that he would be able to overcome his anxiety, panic attacks, and sleepless nights, but Evan gave him so much, he would take even more, if it meant, that he would be with Evan at his side for the rest of his life.

"I'm sorry.", Evan whispered into the crock of Street's neck. Street sighed.

One day, he really wanted to have a talk with all the people, that had led to Evan's low self-esteem. Started with his parents. But today was not the day.

Street placed a silent kiss on top of Evan's head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Ev. I will always be there for you, as long as you let me." Street's voice was still nothing more than a whisper, but to Buck it was clear as day. It was like his brain filtered the voice of his boyfriend and let all the other sounds disappear.

Neither man knew how long they stayed like this. Tangled in each other's embrace. At one point Street's arm went numb and Buck could swear, that he couldn't feel his legs anymore, but neither cared. They were just happy to be able to feel the other.

Just as Street was at the brink of falling back asleep, Buck raised his head a little to lock eyes again.

"Can I ask you something?", Evan asked, voice small. It almost sounded like he was afraid. And with one beat, Street was awake again.

"Everything you want.", he let a soft smile playing on his lips, to ensure his boyfriend, that it was okay. He knew, that sometimes, Evan struggled with asking questions. It wasn't that he didn't want to know something, but while growing up, he one time too often had to listen to an adult telling him to keep his questions to himself. So now, his brain sometimes tricked him back into that mindset.

Buck took a deep breath. He knew that if he wouldn't ask Street now, he never would. He had already waited for way too long. But how could he, with everything, that had happened?

He counted his heartbeats like Steve had taught him back on their first mission. It never felt to calm him down. He was grateful, that Street gave him the time, he needed. He knew, that he would always do so.

"Will you marry me?"

Street's brain froze. What the...? Did he hear that right? Did Evan "Buck" Buckley, the love of his life, the boyfriend he was together with for four years, just ask him to marry him, while he was in the hospital?

Street focused his eyes back on his boyfriend. They still were pressed together and he could feel Evan's heartbeat picking up.

"Evan I... Are you... I am... Am I dreaming?" Street's brain was still working harder than normal. He couldn't coherent, what he just heard.

Evan chuckled softly and it let all of Street's pain fly away. His heart melted and he wished for the moment to last forever. There just wasn't another sound in the world, that he loved more.

"You're not dreaming Jim. I just... over the last few days, I realized, that without Hondo, they wouldn't have given me any information about you. I couldn't have stayed with you. You could have died, and they wouldn't have told me a word."

By now, both, Buck and Street had tears streaming down their face, but Evan wasn't done yet.

"I could have lost you, without ever having had you. I love you and I want to always be able to be there for you. I know, I can't give you what others can. I will probably always need help or therapy or whatever, but I want you to be part of my life.

I love you, just as much as I loved Mac and I want to be able to call you my husband. I don't know if I can give you the marriage you deserve. I don't know if I can handle a ceremony at all. I don't know if I will ever be able to take you out on a proper date.

But I know that I love you. I know, that I want to be always at your side. And I know, that even if it would just be on paper, I want to marry you and call you my husband.

So, James Matthew Street, will you marry me?"

"Yes", was all that left Street's lips before he pulled his boyfriend, his fiancé into a firm hug. Their lips connected and for one moment, everything around them seemed to stand still.

After they separated, Evan let one of his hands drop from Street's shoulder and pulled something from his pocket. He hold it into Street's field of vision and Street gasped.

It was a beautiful, black ring. An engagement ring, Street's brain supplied.

"It took me like three days, to panic attacks and an emergency session with Larrabee but it was worth being able to see the look on your face right now."

And then, right there was one of the reasons, that he loved Evan so much. Even so, it was hard for him and he had to work through his trauma, he would go over gloving coals to make Street happy. He couldn't other but plant another kiss on his lips.

They smiled at each other and at that moment Evan realized, that everything would be okay. They would marry and he could be sure, that Jim would always be there for him.

There would be hard times, for both of them, but they would manage them together. After all, that's was husbands were for.