Limited Life

New Year

Today was the third new year I got to spent with James and Argus. It's hard to believe that we've already been together for so long!

James and Argus took care of me. They loved me.

I helped James often with pack business. He will be alpha soon and I was the future luna. His parents were teaching us all we needed to know. I was grateful. There was still so much I needed to learn.

I like my life nowadays. At first I had been very scared - of course I didn't show it, as I am a strong independent wolf. But when I am honest, the first time Muru proposed her deal I was terrified. How could a wolf survive without guidance from the human part alone living a normal human life? It's like throwing a toddler human into the forest and hoping that it will survive.

Muru had been great though, through her memories and guidance I learned the basics. James and Jane taught me the rest. Sometimes I was afraid to lose my own identity, my wolf identity but not anymore. I am still a wolf and so much more!

I got up and started to make breakfast. I was a morning person. James would cook dinner later. This was our routine. I made the breakfast, he made the dinner and every evening we would sit together and tell us about our day before we would watch Netflix and chill. ;)

This evening we would celebrate the new year. Usually friends would come over but this year we had decided to celebrate  just the two of us. It sounded romantic!

After I made the breakfast I sat down. James was still sleeping. He really wasn't a morning person. I got out my hidden journal and wrote another letter to Muru. I really hoped she would see how much he had changed. I tried to write her letters often, after I noticed different from her promise, whenever I was in control, she would just sleep most of the time. Kind all the time when I was honest.

I reminded her a few times of her promise and she always said she would do better but she never did. So I started to write letters into the journal, hoping she would read them when she was in control, because I was not sure how much of our normal life she saw. She slept more and more.

After explaining in my letter how much I was looking forward to the evening and promised to write tomorrow how it went, I looked out of the window, deep in thought. Although I was annoyed that Muru was barely (not at all) present, mostly people didn't seem to care.

Jane used to sometimes say that she likes me more than Muru. It pained me to hear that. But lately she had been saying it less and less. Muru's family was still always calling me Muru. I think they don't even really see a difference between Muru and I.

I can't blame them. Some parts of our personality are the same while others are the complete opposite. We complete each other, or at last we should. And together with James and Argus we would be completely complete. If that makes sense?

Thinking about it, I opened my calendar. Muru had five months each year, but this year she had only taken two and a half. Why? The agreement said five months each year! Should I complain? I hadn't even noticed, because I had been so happy to stay with James.

"Muru?" I called but she didn't answer. That was another thing that had slowly started to happen and it scared me. Her sleep was getting deeper and deeper. Was I losing her?

Before I could think more about it, James finally had gotten up. Sleepy, he sat next to me and started eating his breakfast.

"Good morning." I greeted him and pecked his cheek. He smiled at me. I melted. His smile was so beautiful. I could look at it for hours!

"Let's get into the car." He said after breakfast.

"And go where?" I asked.

"I rented a small cabinet in the mountains for us to enjoy the new year."

I squealed. It was going to be even more romantic than I had hoped! I kissed him, again and again until he finally pushed me away laughing.

"Go pack your bags!" He said. He didn't need to tell me that twice!

"How long are we going to stay?" I asked while packing.

"Two days." He said.

I had packed my bags in no time. Soon we sat in the car and he drove us out of the town and up the mountain.

"Muru would have loved this." I thought and felt a little bit guilty. As if I was stealing her chance at happiness. Shouldn't she be here as well enjoying the awesome surprise our mate had for us?

We would spend the new year in a cosy mountain cabinet! Just the two of us! I glanced at my backpack. I had packed my journal and Murus' camera.

"Maybe we can take a few pictures?" I asked.

"Sure." James smiled. There was this beautiful smile again! I melted once again. Our mate was perfect! Well mine, it should be Muru's mate as well but till now she had never accepted him.

"What are you thinking about?" James asked. He had noticed my face darkened.

"Just... Muru." I said quietly. Muru was like a forbidden topic between us. We rarely brought it up. Most of the time we danced around it and acted as if it didn't exist. It was the elephant in our room.

"What about her?"

"She gave us more time this year, I am grateful." I said with a smile. James nodded. Would it have turned out different if I would have told him right then?

It was a two and a half hour drive. After the awkward conversation about our elephant we had turned on the radio. I sang along and James joined. We had fun. The cabin was beautiful. The rest of the day was beautiful and the night was amazing.

At midnight we sat outside a blanket wrapped around us and his arms wrapped around me. We watched the fireworks bloom like flowers in the sky from the city underneath us. It was perfect.

The next day we went hiking and I took a lot of pictures. I loved it. I loved him. I was happy.