When All is Lost

Chapter 63

Sometimes there simply aren't the words to express the depth of emotions – especially when apologies were involved. Jamie was pulling away and my tongue may as well have been glued to the roof of my mouth for all the good it did me.

What can I possibly say?

His mom was gone and now Misty was too. Bitter regret coursed through my veins making me feel every twinge of pain as my fever burned bright. I gasped as Jamie's arm jostled my side when he released me.

When I met his eyes, however, I went cold.

He had no fear of hiding his pain – it was set deep in every creased line on his young face – but his eyes held something I wasn't prepared for.

Relief.

He looked relieved to see me. After everything that had transpired, it was almost too much and it took everything in me not to turn away in shame.

My fault.

I felt my thoughts splintering and spiraling, trying to find reprieve from the agonizing pain that tore through me. It was so intense that I began to understand why I had lost myself in the first place. The urge to flee became overwhelming and I was considering caving to it when a hand came down on my shoulder.

"He knows," Ian said in my ear, though it was just loud enough for Jamie to hear. "He knows she's gone."

Ian had told him. Of course he had. I had figured that he might, but...

I hurriedly wiped at my tears, knowing I needed to be brave.

"Misty." It took an immeasurable amount of effort to say her name, but I made myself continue. "She was brave. She... she protected all of us." I swallowed hard and saw the pride bloom in Jamie's eyes, releasing some of his tension. "And she was thinking of you until the very end. More than anything she wanted you to be safe."

Jamie gave me the smallest shadow of a smile. "That sounds like her."

I nodded. From beyond Jamie's shoulder, I could see Ollie coming off the porch of the house where they had clearly been hiding. Carter wasn't far behind her. She moved to stand beside Jamie and her eyes stayed stuck to him, full of concern.

At that moment, I somehow knew Jamie would be okay. Misty had left him with that. He carried the courage of both of his moms and he had a friend to be with him every step of the way through his grief.

And he has me.

I would never be a replacement for what he'd lost, but I would make sure to be present for whatever he needed. I would honor the memory of those that loved him by doing everything I could to make sure he was okay.

Neveah walked over to the trio and I had a feeling that she and I were of like minds. She checked her two siblings over for any signs of injury and I didn't miss when she tried to do the same for Jamie.

Carter cleared his throat. "Did Hayden...?"

Ian's hand glided from my shoulder to my upper back, grounding me with his steady presence. I took a deep breath. "He never gave in. They both chose to protect the group over everything."

I saw a flash of understanding flitter across Carter's features and it made me worry that I'd said too much. Some things were better left buried forever.

Carter's features became pinched as he battled with himself over the questions he wanted to ask and the answers he didn't want to hear. "Did they... were they tort-"

"That's enough," Neveah cut in. "They're at peace now. That's all we need to know." Her eyes met mine and I gave her the slightest nod in agreement.

It will never need to be said.