crocodile (BWWM)

15

Reneé

After talking with Aaron, he headed to his next class and I went to mine. Our conversation had been longer than we had planned and conversed on topics ranging from our daily routines and how they've changed from the beginning of the year. However, a specific phrase he said continued to rattle my mind.

"Reneé I've wanted to kiss you for so long, I've wanted to be with you for so so long."

I hadn't thought about having anyone confess to me before, especially not someone that I had initially liked to take an interest in me. Yes, Aaron and I's relationship was pretty rocky in the beginning, but some of my intimate moments in college were with him.

And with Zach...

I was still hoping the underlying feelings I had for Zach would precipitate, and in the end, I think they are starting to.

As I walked towards class I bumped into James, and he takes a glance at me and scows before quickly walking away.

"James?" I whispered mostly to myself. That was the first time I had ever seen him act so nonchalantly around me. Even when he wasn't dating Imani, I was the person he would say hi to with a hug. Making a mental note to bring this up again whenever we hung out I walked into math class ready to burn my brain one more time.

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"Hey Imani," I say, walking into the room as she continues to pack up her stuff. I remember her mentioning how she would be going home this weekend.

"Hey," she mumbles lowly, before grabbing the last of her items. We haven't seen each other as much as I have wanted to, but that isn't something I am as worried about. As someone more comfortable being independent, I wasn't as stunned when Imani started staying over at James more when they started dating.

"I also saw James a while back and he gave me this nasty look, please get your man," I laugh out to Imani as she treads towards the door.

"No thanks," she replies with a smile, before rolling her eyes and walking out of the room.

What the fuck.....

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A week later...

I watched as the ducks walked over the half-frozen lake in the pond. My mind wandered on all the events that transpired. In the past week, I have had someone confess their feelings to me, and a white boy at that. Been ignored by Imani, James, and pretty much everyone else.

But I couldn't stop thinking about Zach, and as much as I wanted to with how Aaron had talked to me, I just couldn't. I had done all my work, went to the gym, and walked around the campus center. I usually used Mondays to destress and have one day to myself apart from the weekend, but with everything going on I didn't even know what to think.

Just last night the girls and I had the time of our life, and now one of my best friends is ignoring me.

With nowhere else to turn to to calm my nerves I decided to call the one person apart from my mum I knew would have the best words to say.

I told you not to bother me Reneé

He responds lowly, as he releases a deep breath. And even though his tone contradicted his words, I knew he was expecting me to call.

Zachariah.....

My voice comes out hoarse and I let out a light chuckle, laughing to myself about how emotional I was getting. The distance between him and I after last Saturday was evident, and with how much time I had spent with him and his reaction to what happened between Aaron and I, I have no idea where we stand. As much as I wanted to give him the space he had "asked for" I found myself wanting to be around him. It's been like that ever since that night.

Halloween.

I still hadn't told Imani about it, and I don't think I could ever bring myself to it.

What's wrong Reneé?

He responds back with urgency, as if a few seconds ago he wasn't upset that I had called. Shuffling is heard in the background and he questions me again, and as I'm about to respond my phone shuts off.

Wonderful...

happy new year