"see you in a bit!" lucy called to tim as he headed out to get to the station early. he had sergeant duties that needed to be completed before the majority of day shift arrived which gave lucy about forty-five minutes of time alone at their apartment before she had to go to work too. she wasn't completely alone; tamara was there, but she generally slept in past the time both lucy and tim left for their shifts.
he hadn't been gone more than five minutes, and lucy was already pacing back and forth in her small bathroom with a white stick staring at her from the counter. "am i ready for this?" her thoughts were loud. "there's no way," "we haven't even talked about this." she glanced at her phone to see she still had close to a minute and a half left to wait. thank goodness tamara was sleeping because lucy had no idea she was going to react in either scenario.
this was big. she was late— only by 3 days, but she was never late. she had also been feeling queasy, and her moods were off. tim had noticed it too, but she assured him that it was just her period coming up. but it hadn't come.
it wasn't that she didn't want kids— she did, and she knew that she wanted them with tim, but now ?? he was promoted to sargent less than a year ago, and she was just beginning to transition to detective work and get her footing in undercover operations. they had talked about kids here and there, but they had never sat down to have a serious conversation. she knew he had mentioned that he and isabel had planned to have kids, but so much had changed since he was married to her that she wasn't completely sure that hadn't changed too.
her phone buzzed with the completion of her alarm, and she swore she felt her heart stop. she didn't want to look, but she also couldn't wait any longer. she took a deep breath and grabbed the test. she couldn't do it. no, she had to do it. after a lot of self-convincing and deep breaths, she hesitantly peered down at it.
plus sign.
so much for the deep breaths, because now she was not breathing at all. lucy gasped. she didn't know what she was hoping for. she felt terrified, excited, and confused all at once.
she wanted to tell someone .she wanted to tell tim. fuck, tim. what would he say? would he be excited? would he be angry. he was a grown man; he would know that this was as much his fault as it was hers, but she was terrified of what his reaction would be.
she didn't realize she was crying until a tear fell on her shaking hands. "ahh...no, no, no, no..." she sighed. "it's going to be okay" she whispered to herself or to the little being she now knew existed inside of her, she didn't know, but someone in this bathroom needed a lot of reassurance. "it's going to be okay."
she sniffed and looked up at herself in the mirror. she desperately wanted to tell tim. he was her safety net— no matter what was going on, he always knew how to make it better, and right now she really needed someone to make her feel better.
but tim was already at work, and soon she would be too, and she would have to wait until they both got home. she took a few deep breathes and splashed some cold water on her face. she was still shaking— she wasn't sure if it was fear or shock or some combination.
lucy looked at the time; she needed to get to work now. she was so absent-minded with all of the emotions rushing through her that she forgot to take the test off of the bathroom counter before leaving.
________
at roll call, lucy was still entirely distracted. she vaguely understood that she would be working with angela and nyla on a case, and she was thankful. if she were riding with tim all day, she had no idea how she would hold in her emotions. as desperate as she was to talk to him, she knew she needed to get her own emotions sorted out before she dealt with whatever his were about to be. she was grateful that grey's instructions were short so that she could immediately get to work and that tim might not have time to realize how weird she was acting.
