Broken // Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Broken Part 18

Who would've thought that a simple 'Sergeant' could hurt like this? Who would've thought that the correction from your name to your rank would create such a tension in your body that you couldn't say the words that you wanted to say?

It was a nightmare. A nightmare of the day you crouched right next to him, tears running down your cheeks as you pressed on the wound on his abdomen, desperately trying to keep him alive. And he died in your arms, over and over again. Night after night. But still, nightmares bring back memories, even if they're filled with darkness and pain. But you started to remember.

And as the seconds ticked away, you started to remember why you initially left your room before you almost bumped into his chest. You had your chance right there but the moment you saw him standing right in front of you, all of the words you had prepared where wiped from your mind and you could only think about why he had been there. And somehow you didn't believe that it was just to ask you if you needed anything. Not after all of the weeks you kept your distance, wanting to sort out your thoughts and get back your memory before you met him, before you addressed something that consumed your mind without even knowing what it was. Because you already knew that there was something. It just didn't make sense to you and so you decided to finally do what you had planned before you wanted to leave your room with a suspicion where he could be. A distant memory, blurry, but the environment was clear.

Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't hear your footsteps on the gravel path as you slowly stepped closer, right until you could see him in the dim light of the night. His eyes followed the cloud that left his lips when he released it out of his lungs without pressure. You had full vision on his jaw, his chin, his neck, yet your eyes stayed on his lips as he lifted his hand and filled the small space between them with the stick between his fingers again. You could barely lift your eyes from his lips as they embraced the unlit end of the cigarette, but the rise of his chest caught your attention as he inhaled with his back leaning against the shack before the sudden movement of his head made your eyes shoot up again.

He looked at you, with a mix of surprise and coldness that caused your heart to skip a beat and hurt at the same time. Something felt off, like none of you were supposed to be here nor to look at each other the way you were. And still, you searched for anything in his eyes that would show something else than the little bits he gave you to get you more of your memories back. More of him. But there was nothing. Just those two amber eyes looking at you with an absent of emotion. Just... a void.

As if he felt your inner turmoil, or maybe even had the same going on inside of him, he lifted his eyes away from yours and towards the sky again. Shutting you out from anything they could show you. His fingers lifted again and he took another deep drag from the cigarette, deeper than you could've imagined. But as he spoke, his voice sounded even lower than usual. "Need anything?"

Wow...

His voice was even colder than his eyes when he finally spoke and you started to wonder why it hurt like frozen daggers to your heart. It just felt like something changed inside of him within the few minutes you took in your room to sort out your mind. Or maybe he just as well sorted his mind within those same few minutes. You remembered him by now, not everything, but his could demeanor, the way he let no one closer than needed to fulfill his duty without any distractions, just with Soap, well Johnny, as an exception. But something inside you told you that you've once been an exception, too. Or at least started to get one. Or maybe you've been a distraction. But one thing was clear. You were something. And you needed to find out what that was.

That's why you found a bit of your voice in between your breaths. It wasn't much, but enough for him to hear and to carry the uncertainty you've felt deep inside of you towards his ears and into his chest. "I start to remember, Simon." You didn't want to force him to look at you, which you could if you would've just moved in front of him. But you decided to take the spot to his left, a small space next to him with your back leaning against the same wall his did. Close enough to feel his warmth, yet not too close to touch. "A bit at least." You added.