Broken // Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Broken Part 19

The air around you suddenly felt thick, almost suffocating with each second passing by. The pain inside of you, the cold sting in your heart and your stomach turned into something warm, something powerful that made your heart race again. What was that feeling, that was slowly building up inside of you? Why did it feel so good, although you couldn't tell what it truly was? It wasn't anger or fear but it was something pure. So pure, that you felt like no matter what happened right now, nothing could keep you from staying on that high.

And there it was. Crashing down on you like a veil had been lifted. Like a switch that was turned over. Your eyes darted back and forth into the darkness in front of you, yet, you saw something more than the nothingness between the trees. A dance of colors, turning into a vivid scene right in front of your eyes, not perfectly clear, but you saw what you needed to see and felt the ghost of touch as the seconds passed by and a warmth spread through your whole body.

You could feel the warmth of an arm snaking around your waist and a hand at the small of your back as the thumb brushed over some fabric. Your own hand moved, like you were reaching out for something that turned your skin warmer. Amber eyes, so close yet so far away, as they stared right into your soul, reaching places you never thought they'd be able to reach. Words whispered into your ear which you took as a compliment. A deep connection without words needed to be told. Something more. But yet, he decided to walk away.

„Simon!" Your yell cut through the air like a knife and it hit him right through his chest, making him stop in his tracks. Even with his back facing you, you could see the way his jaw clenched the second his name rolled over your lips. It was like both of you suddenly were glued to the ground. You couldn't move forward, he couldn't turn around. But he couldn't walk away either. „What did you mean?"

His head quickly moved to take a look over his shoulder, obviously taken aback by your question, spotting you at the corner of his narrowed eyes and it made your skin crawl. The way he stood there, calm, taking steady breaths as he waited for you to say more. To tell him what you needed to hear from him.

You hesitantly took a step forward, just enough to step into the dim light that a lamp down the path created. Enough light for him to spot that small spark inside of your eyes. „Back at the mansion. You said, out of all of the demons you've known, none could compare to me." Your voice was low again, barely above a whisper as you spoke, yet enough for him to hear the vibration from the small uncertainty you felt. Yes, you were confident enough to address the topic and find out why he said those words back then. Yes, you were confident enough that you knew no matter what he'd say right now, you could take it. But yet, you were afraid of his words. Afraid that the small amount of memory you regained wasn't enough for him.

„What did you mean?" You repeated your words with a bit more confidence and without the uncertainty. Because, hell, you needed to know what he meant by saying those words and why he decided to keep up the distance over the past few weeks. To hell with all of the reasons he had to keep it to himself and to hell to him if he wasn't going to tell you what this was all about. If he didn't want to tell you right now, you didn't want to know any other day. Not anymore.

You could hear his low sigh when he turned his head away from you again and brushed his hand over the fabric that covered his face. It was just another second of silence that followed, but it was so deafening, so heavy and full of emotions that your heart skipped another beat. With his hand still covering his face he tilted his head back and took a deep breath before he finally spoke. „Sergeant..."

Fuck that now...

Before he could even move his lips to speak another word it bursted out of you. You remembered more and more and yet he still called you by your rank. You couldn't take it anymore. „Simon! I deserve to know this! I need to know!" You didn't yell, but he could hear the hint of anger and frustration in your voice which seemed to consume your whole being. And at this point, he didn't even blame you. He knew how it felt, the suffocating feeling when you desperately needed help and couldn't get it from the ones you needed it the most. And that's why he didn't stop you.

You stepped closer until you were just a few feet away from him when his movement caused you to freeze again. He turned around and looked directly at you with curiosity and a hint of something more in his eyes. Something that looked like he was keeping himself from doing something he might regret later. And it made you swallow, because you didn't know if it was something good at the end. It felt like a door you had pushed open, a dam that finally broke and the words spilled out of you like a waterfall. Powerful, unable to be stopped by bare hands, fueled by the need to finally know the truth. „Everyone around here is talking to me, helping me to get my goddamn memories back but you leave me in the dark! Yes, I don't remember everything. But I know that I need you to talk to me! At least this one time.I won't do this anymore! Tell me. Now!"

He sighed again, but almost soft this time and he didn't lift his eyes from yours. The way you looked at him, the way you demanded that he finally gave you some answers. It almost fascinated him in a way he couldn't understand. But you could still see the Ghost you've known behind those eyes. The man who shielded himself from any kind of deeper connection between him and someone else. The man who was known for prioritizing his work over every everything else. And yet, there was this something that manifested in his voice. „A lot of things haunted me in my life. And you're one of them."

 
Out of all of the demons I've known...

„The thing with demons is, they come when you don't expect them and you learn how to make them leave again to regain control. But you..." With each word leaving his mouth, he stepped closer and his voice turned lower and softer at the same time, creating a caressing rumble for your ears to stir those messy feelings inside of you. His eyes slowly moved over each feature of your face, from your eyes, to your nose and your lips, where they stayed longer than at the other places. The movement of his mouth behind his mask without a word leaving his lips caught your attention and you could feel that he was fighting against something. An urge to do or say anything. The sudden touch of his ungloved hand on your chin, as he tilted your head back a little and placed his thumb right under your lips send a shiver down your spine.

... none could compare to you.

 
„You stayed." the words left his lips in a whisper but there was no doubt of the emotions they carried. Confusion, vulnerability even fear. You had to fight with your tears from the turmoil his words created within you. The mix of relief and confusion which only added up to the urge to know why he acted the way he did within the last few weeks. Why did he push you away when there actually was something between you? Why didn't he try to help you sort things out? To sort things out together?

The more you took his words in and though about everything, the harder it got to fight against the tears and the feeling that was building up inside of you. It felt so good, yet so hard to grasp. It felt so familiar, yet you couldn't help but feel a small pain inside of you that finally made a tear roll down your cheek. He saw the small droplet running down, giving in to gravity and caught it with the thumb of his free hand before he wiped away the damp trail it left on your skin. The act forced his hand to cup your cheek, but he didn't pull away. Not even after another tear ran down your other cheek and he finally held both of your cheeks with his warm hands.

It was a sight to behold, the way his large hands gently pressed against your cheeks with his fingertips on your neck and the soft movements of his thumbs on your skin. But it still was almost comical, how his large frame towered over your small figure, casting a sharp shadow over your whole being. Maybe, if your body wouldn't have trembled so much, you would've managed to force a smile on your lips. But you knew he wasn't done. There was so much more he wanted to say.

He leaned in, rested his forehead against your own as he took a deep breath to go on.

„And I tried, Y/N. I tried so fucking hard to get you out of my mind. But the second I think that I finally did it, you come along and ruin everything. You make me do things I don't want to do. You make me feel things I don't want to feel. You make me think about things I don't want to think about. Hell, you even make me scared of things I was never scared about."