Shadow kissed

Chapter 9

A/N : I'm doing a time skip forward . I just am don't ask why. 

2 months later....

It's Saturday April 12th, Dela is getting married today. I remember when she told me that her and Thierry were getting married. She was so excited rambling on and on about it. She looked so happy. and, I couldn't be happier for her. She and Thierry decided to tie the knot before he left to join the war effort. I know that Charles is going to be there. However I am dreading it. I'm dreading it because I want to see him I miss him, but I'm still angry with him. 

Obviously he'll be there that's his best friend. I mean why wouldn't he be there for his best friend. You know? I mean he's probably having one of the biggest days of his life. Dela decided that she wanted to get married on Jackson Square. And Thierry said , 

"yeah why not!" 

But the city wouldn't let them. It was a pretty stupid reason to be honest. They declined there ask because it was too public and it apparently wouldn't look good because she was white and he wasn't. I mean just because he's a man of color and she isn't it? That's not an excuse! they were willing to pay for the citations and everything as well. But you know Beggars can't be choosers. 

After they were denied two almost three times they decided to get married in the church we both grew up in. At least our church was willing to see Dela's side of it, that she really loved him and they saw that Thierry really loved her. So they allowed it.

I think that was one of the only times in my life that I've ever really agreed with the church. I mean I know everyone has their beliefs and I have my beliefs too. I believe that we grow old and we die, we go to heaven or hell based on our life. I believe that everyone has a soulmate. Everyone can have more than one love in their life whether it's true love, or epic love... tragic love . I believe that love is pure and it's beautiful. Love is amazing, it's kind, it's great. I mean how could you not experience that? 

It's one of the many amazing things that anyone in this world could ever experience. It's what gets you up in the morning it's what gets you going. A life would not be a life without love. It can't be right? If you go through life without loving anyone or anything then you're not living you're just going through the motions . 

The wedding started at 10:00 a.m. I got there at eight to help Dela get ready. I got there early enough to do her hair and makeup. i made sure that I did some of my best work on her for the wedding photos. My best friend! I couldn't believe it the woman asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm so happy that she's found the one that she's going to grow old with, die with. She's living her dream. Although I should admit I am a bit jealous but not jealous of her, I could never be jealous of her. I'm jealous of what she has. What she'll get everyday growing old with her mate.

All the guests arrived around 9:30 her family was there smiling cheering her on. Happy for her as I was. The ceremony was beautiful, each bench lined with purple and white flowers lace on each arm. Floral arrangements rounded with silk ribbons. The dress, simple but elegant, the veil, handmade by her mother. Her hair; done in a simple but poignant bun. She wore this Emerald with gold hairpin that shined so bright it was blinding, beautiful. The whole time both Dela and Thierry had a smile from ear to ear. You could feel the love in the air, the love that they both had for each other and their families. Dela really had it all...I'm so proud and happy for her.

The reception was really nice, Jazz and even some ballads. I ended up just sitting down at a table drinking some champagne and then.....Charles locked eyes with me. I felt flustered but also angry because of the way we left things off. I couldn't help but think, are we still a " we" or is he done. I put my heart and soul into this relationship or whatever we had and every chance he got he pushed me away. It didn't matter. We would be good for a day or two maybe a week at the most and then he would just get angry and wasn't himself. He would just try and push me away until we'd argue to the point where I say 

"get out"

or he'd say 

"I'm leaving"

and then that was it. He wasn't mine anymore until he changed his mind again and again. Then he'd come back to me like nothing happened. I wasn't going to take him back this time. I can't. I won't. He's put me through enough. We've been at this for about a year now and if he truly wants to leave to go join the war effort without being with me, then that's fine. If he truly thinks that we can't make it. That we're somehow doomed then fine he can have his wish. 

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I decided to leave the reception around 9:30 pm. I know that 9:30 seems early but I was really tired. I wanted to go home and rest. I was still angry, I've been over exerting myself by accepting extra shifts. I was a mess, a complete mess. While everyone around me was happy, I was distraught. seeing everyone smiling and happy I didn't want to be a debby downer. I didn't want to disrupt my best friends day. I didn't want for her to see me unhappy and then drop everything to try and help. For her to not be happy for herself and enjoy her day. I didn't want that. I said my goodbyes before I left. 

I was one block from my house when he came up to me. Charles grabbed me by my shoulder to turn me around to try to apologize. He tried to justify what he said to me the last time we talked. Well argued, I was frustrated. Angry, that I didn't even want to listen to a lick of what he had to say. At that point I was done. I didn't want to keep putting myself through any more angst with him. Why would I? Why should I? 

I brushed his hand off my shoulder and said goodnight. Then that was that. I didn't even let him get a word out of his mouth before I slammed the door into his face. I knew that it hurt his feelings, I knew that he was upset. But I also knew that If I stopped to talk to him, that If even for just a moment if I looked at him... I would let my urges break through. That I would say yes to everything again. That we would go back to our same rhythm. 

Happy then sad, Content then anguish. It'll be nice at first he'll bring me flowers everyday for a week or so, tell me how much he loves me, make it seem as if he can't be away from me for even a second. Then it stops. Charles just goes back to wanting to leave because he swears up and down that we would never make it. He would use his favorite line, 

"what happens if I leave for war and die Jane - anne?!"

Then Charles will continue to make me feel bad and try to make me agree with him. So we argue and argue. Argue for what seemed like days, months, years even. Then either he'd leave or I would. This little consistent rotation that we have is just.. It's just so toxic. I shouldn't be doing this to myself. But it's my fault too. I can't put all the blame on him when I'm at fault to. At every chance I get I run back to him. It's like a I can't get enough. 

Charles is like a drug to me. He's like a rare jewel. A rare form of opium that I just can't get enough of. I'm like a strung out junkie waiting for my next hit. All my senses go out the window the minute I see him. The minute his scent invades my nostril's.