Shadow kissed

Chapter 10

Monday morning, I'm at work and I tend to my patients, each one happy to see me of course. It's only nine o'clock in the morning and I've already been here for five hours. After Saturday night I decided that I didn't want to wait till twelve pm for my shift at the hospital. Why? Why did I not want to wait and possibly sleep in more? Well because I didn't want to risk running into Charles while walking to work. I couldn't bare it if I did.

So naturally I called my floor mother Mrs. Smithers if I could take the first shift instead of the second shift. Right away she asked why because, why would anyone want to be at a hospital at four in the morning. I just told her that I was busy later on that day and I had to come in earlier. Obviously she didn't believe me. She didn't believe me because naturally I would have called ahead and set my schedule differently if needed. 

Once I got there and started working, right away mother Smithers could tell that something was wrong. Like a sixth sense, she saw right through me. She knew the moment she saw me. How did she know? How was she able to deduce any kind of feelings that I was going through? How was she able to see that I had all these thoughts and feelings going through my head ? What was it that she could just see with one simple little glance, not even a look? 

Was she a witch? Could she be? I mean everyone does say that she is and that would be one of the only reasons any " white " woman would marry anyone " below " her or not her skin color. Which I still find really dumb that people say that about her or anyone that chooses to be with someone who isn't " white. " It's ridiculous, everyone is the same. 

I clocked out of my shift for the day around two thirty pm. I was getting my things and just on my way out my floor mother asked me to come and talk with her in her office. 

" Jane-anne, please step into my office." 

I admit I was quite nervous, but I went in and sat down in a chair to talk to her.

"Jane-anne I noticed that you have been somewhat different since this morning when you came in for your shift." " is everything okay? Are you having problems with Charles?"

I just looked at her with a blank stare. Truly, really I honestly didn't know what to say, I couldn't form the words. Charles and I have been having problems for a while now. Our first nine months together were amazing. So glorious and fantastic even. But then everything changed... Our happiness turned into a melancholy pairing. It formed into something that I dread. 

" Jane-anne?"

Smithers said, I blinked and then I finally opened my mouth.

" oh, uh- ye- yes, everything is fine, everything's completely and perfectly fine." 

I said with a faltering smile. Tears began forming in my eyes. Now for sure Smithers knew that something was up. She then asked , 

" Jane-anne? What's wrong? You know you can open up to me?" " You know that I would never judge you." " Right?" 

As soon as those words left her mouth. The moment, the second I heard those words I just... I couldn't help it. I started crying. I cried and cried and I... I just let everything out, all of the constant feelings that I have been feeling for days, weeks. All the pent up raw emotions. I cried so much that I started to hyperventilate, to the point where I couldn't catch my breath.

While crying and trying to breathe at the same time I kept seeing all the memories we had together. Every single memory that I had from the moment I first saw him to the last time i looked at him. It started off with the good memories. Then from the good memories to the bad ones. The bad ones seemed to overpower the good. The ones where we fought. the ones where he told me that he didn't want me. 

The ones where he said that he wasn't good enough for me or that we would never make it together no matter what. That no matter how much we loved each other and that even if we fought for it and went against the odds that it would still be inevitable. In every argument that we had it was always Charles bringing up the fact that he was leaving and that he'll die and I'll be alone. That I would be utterly alone and that what we have isn't worth it. 

Charles would always sabotage everything we worked for. At every chance he got. It was as if he was waiting, practically seething for the moment when he could try and throw away what we have. He wasn't content with the fact that I didn't care that he was leaving! he wasn't content with the fact that I would wait for him. 

I knew that he was leaving. I knew that there was a possibility that he would not return. Of course I knew that I wasn't an idiot. But I still had hope. Why shouldn't I have hope? I loved him! I would have died for him! 

After I was finally able to calm down enough to actually speak, I opened up to her. I opened up to her about everything. I told her about our first argument. Our first hug, Our first kiss. When he asked me to marry him, Our first time together. Mother smithers gave me some much needed advice. I ended up talking to her for awhile. The conversation lasted around an hour or so. She gave me some advice that I'll never forget.

" only when a man truly knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you despite all the odds, then you'll know that he is yours as you are his. Whether or not circumstance gets in the way, a real man will fight no matter what."