Dark Academia

Chapter 8: Seonghwa's fiancé

I wouldn't say I'm in love with Yoon Jeonghan. I like the boy – he's beautiful and he's usually got his priorities sorted – and I imagine I could grow to love him when the time comes. But it's not about whether I'm in love with him or not. It's about pleasing my parents, and keeping the dynasty going.

Of course I wasn't thrilled when I understood it was my turn to honour my duty and get affianced. But they could've done a lot worse than the Yoon family, and I'm grateful at least not to have had to go for the younger brother, Joshua. The kid is insufferable, and has a limited understanding of the word 'protocol'.

Yoon Jeonghan is perfectly decent, and we've always got on well throughout our childhood. So when we got officially betrothed this summer, I was content. I told myself it would be pretty straightforward, that none of us would rock the boat. Well, it turns out that Yoon Jeonghan is a hopeless romantic and that he fell for the first boy who happened to show him some affection.

I wasn't actually worried when they first started to flirt (very explicitly at that) during Joshua's party. I just thought Jeonghan would be mature enough to see that the farmer boy was below him – he's incredibly informal and has no sense of fashion. So yes, I didn't think that the PPE boy was a threat. I should've been worried.

Honestly, I could overlook the fact that Jeonghan isn't in love with me – we're not asking him that much. But his ridiculous crush on the farmer boy is purely insubordinate. He could've at least chosen someone from our rank – I always thought he had a crush on my cousin and, I mean, who wouldn't fall for Kim Mingyu? But no, Yoon Jeonghan decided he wanted to be a rebel this year. He still hasn't realised that people like us don't get to be selfish.

I glare at my opponent through my mask although I can't see his eyes properly, I know they're burning with a hateful, competitive glow. I didn't have much choice in taking fencing at Foxpond, because that's what an heir does (that, or archery), but I now relish in the activity. I can take out all that anger, that frustration of not being able to be who I want to be, and let go, just for the length of the match. Fencing is redemptive – I play to win, but I play to suffer, also.

The other boy, the one from the Ruby dynasty doing Law, is very strong, and agile. But I'm fierce, and desperate. Fencing matches are almost as popular as rowing races – the only difference is that some people just attend fencing matches because rich, handsome heirs play. I usually have my own fan club (a group of squeaking girls) but this time, Choi San has gathered a small crowd himself. Among them, one of Jeong Yunho's old friends. The loud guy from the rowing team with the hooked nose.

We're cheered on well, but I'm generally impervious to the public. All that matters when I play is the match and the opponent. And I want to destroy Choi San. Because he's Ruby, because he's competition in those Hunger Games for a PhD spot, and just because.

We play hard, bout through bout, and I almost can't keep up with which of us gets the touches. Just before the last period, I swallow some water, and keep an eye on Choi San, who's chatting casually with the rower. We're in a tie, and we just chats with a banal boy. The Ruby have always regarded rules and etiquette less than we do, but I didn't think they could stoop so low and have such tasteless acquaintances. Foxpond has really gone to the dogs.

My opponent winks at the boy before putting his mask on again and facing me. I'm already set, and we play again. He's less vindictive than during the two first bouts, less involved, much more distracted. It's almost as though he's not trying to fight. I win quickly, almost too easily. When we bow to each other, masks off, he barely looks at me, and walks away to his friends.

I wish I could care this little. I wish nobody pressured me into playing fencing, into getting a PhD, into marrying Yoon Jeonghan. I wish a lot of things, but when you're a proper heir, you're not supposed to wish, but to yield.

Jeonghan has chosen to yield, too, but to the wrong person. He has stopped playing the part of the perfect son for his family, and he has stopped playing the part of the perfect fiancé for me. We used to be pretty good at that – acting like we're husbands already. And perhaps I was naïve, or perhaps he acted too well, but I believed in this act. I thought I was in love with him, and he with me. But when I see him with the farmer boy, I realise that this is what he looks like when he's in love, and that he's always been pretending with me.

I pass a plate across the table, and glance sideways at Jeonghan next to me. He's laughing, eyes narrowed, holding a glass of wine. I wonder how he can be so relaxed. We'll soon have to begin writing our PhD proposals and I can barely sleep at night because of this. I don't want to think about what happens if I fail. If others, like the farmer boy he's laughing with, succeed and I don't.

The dining hall of St Magdalen College is quiet, despite the hum of the various conversations, and I can't help imagining me failing and that peasant winning. I'm an heir. I'm a Topaz. So why do I feel out of place for the first time in my life?

It's Jeonghan who invited me to the formal dinner at SM. We always invite each other to formals. We're supposed to – we're soon-to-be husbands, after all. But this time, it feels like Jeonghan has forgotten I was here. There's only the PPE boy, the farmer boy. He's looking sweetly at him laugh, smile, and choke. He coughs, again and again, until he can't cough or speak anymore, and holds his throat, eyes getting teary.

"Seungcheol-ah, are you alright?" Jeonghan panics, immediately holding his other hand. "What did you eat?"

The boy across us cannot answer – he's frantically attempting to unbutton his shirt to get some air. My fiancé takes the half-eaten toast from his plate, and smells it. "Nuts?" he exclaims. "You're allergic to nuts!"

I don't as much as react while Jeonghan gets up in the middle of the hall, disrupting the staff as they tend to the tables, and calling for help. Soon enough, the farmer boy is escorted out. His face is all red and sweaty, and we lock eyes for a brief second. He glares, I smirk.

Did I have any motives for attempting to food poison him? Well, he is sort of stealing my man, and he's my main competition for the PhD spot. But honestly, I've got nothing against him personally. He's so far below me that he's simply inconsequential. No, my real target was Yoon Jeonghan. I want to show him that an heir cannot ever allow himself to fall for a commoner, or to befriend anyone like them. Because they're not like us. They're weak, and can only make us weak. We're Topaz. Always on top.