Honoured and the Damned

Chapter 10: Friendship

Satoru had never felt fear before.

Never in his life did he imagine that one day he would be the one to be scared instead of making others feel those worthless insignificant emotions.

"One day, you too will know fear."

He remembered the moments when he laughed at others. For telling him that he, the Strongest sorcerer would one day feel fear. Yes, his life was filled with assassination attempts and growing up he had to dodge a lot of them. But that was more like a game to him. It was fun because not one of them realized at first that he was able to find them without much of a problem. They did not try that hard to hide in his childhood either, too busy dreaming about the money they could get by killing him to even realise that he was already standing beside them. Poised to strike.

All his life, he had seen and felt what it was like to be wanted—to be revered by people.

That was why, he had never considered what it would feel like to be genuinely unwanted by someone he looked up to. The situation was not something he had ever dreamt of. He did not have anyone unreachable for him, what he wanted was what he got. But here he was, agonising over a hypothetical situation that may or may not become one of his least favourite things depending on the outcome. Depending on Aiko, and what she says.

"So what happened?" He frowned as he recalled everything again, swearing at himself that he should have realised the problem before it reached to the point where Aiko had to throw up blood. With some reluctance, he repeated everything to Shoko who remained eerily silent. She stared straight ahead with a cigarette in her right hand as she crossed her other hand over her chest. Her legs crossed over the other as she leaned back on the bench.

Unlike what he expected, Shoko did not scream at him nor did she argue with him. He would have liked to hear someone shout yet him instead, as a result, her silence made him both tense and disappointed. He was scared that he might have lost both of his favourite women in a single day. Disappointed and disgusted at him for not being able to manage his clan affairs.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Unknowingly, a pressure lifted from his shoulder. He realised that he had been holding his breath and waiting for Shoko to admonish him. Her question made him pause in his movements. Because contrary to what it looked like, he did not have anything that could help him repair the trust he lost on the same day. His mind was empty, running on fumes of adrenaline to even begin to think about solutions. Something must have shown on his face though because Shoko spoke up unhurriedly.

"It's not as bad as you think it is, she isn't mad at you. Not yet," She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes before turning towards the practice field in front of them. Satoru waited for her next words with bated breath.

"This incident was partially your fault and I won't deny that. But this situation revealed something to me." Satoru flinched at her words, waving a hand through his locks. But he waited again for her next words. Something told him that he wouldn't regret whatever was going to come out of her mouth. And he wasn't mistaken.

"Aiko doesn't trust you." He recoiled at the words. It stung him. He turned towards Shoko then, intent on refuting when she put the final nail in the coffin.

"And she doesn't trust me either." She said so with a straight face as if it didn't hurt as much as it should so he looked at her. Really looked at her, and what he found made his heart heavy with something unknown. Words died on his tongue at the way her eyes hardened with resolve. Determined to prove something, not to anyone, but to herself.

"Why?" He wanted to add more, ask her why she thought what she did, why she believed it to be true, why she wasn't hurt by it. But his tongue refused to elaborate.