The Guider Effect ☼ Zuko || ATLA

Aftermath

TODAY

     Zuko tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. Finally having enough of the endless failed attempts at peace, he threw himself out of bed and stomped to his desk. Rest had evaded him for days now as his mind was wracked with unfathomable guilt.

Zuko and Azula were celebrated for their victory, the streets lined with their supporters and adorned with decorations. Ozai welcomed both of his children home with open arms, thrusting the two back into their normal royal life as if Zuko hadn't been banished for almost four years.

     Iroh wasn't so lucky as his room was now a dingy cell in the palace's dungeon. Though, he didn't mind because he'd much rather be imprisoned than look at his niece and nephew. But he knew their actions had deep consequences that they were surely paying—they lost a piece of themselves they didn't even know was there. Kireina always took up a space within them, spiritually infused into them from the moment they were conceived. Her death created a void in them.

     While the world would only remember Kireina through tall tales or history books, the Fire Nation heirs would feel her absence for eternity. Nothing will ever fill that empty space inside of them. Memories of her will fade as they age but the ache in their chests would never dull. It was a punishment well deserved.

     Zuko began writing another letter to Kireina. He felt it was the only way he was able to speak to her, through the tattered and tear stained pages of his journal. It had only been two days since he lost her and his journal was almost halfway filled with entries. Confessions of love, guilt, hatred and admiration, his deepest thoughts and feelings spewed across soiled parchment.

Reina,
     I wonder where you are right now. I wonder what they'll do with your body. Will they bury you? Will you be turned to ash? Sent into the sea? I want to say goodbye, I need to tell you I'm sorry.
                                      ~Zu

Reina,
     Did you die loving me or hating me? I don't know which is correct, I fear either answer will destroy me but I need to know.
     I hate Azula. But I despise myself more. We killed you. We watched you die. You were supposed to be my queen but I let you fall. I will never forgive myself.
                                      ~Zu

Reina,
     Please come back. I love you.
                                      ~Zu

Kireina,
     Give me my heart back. You stole it and took it to the grave. How could you? That is so incredibly selfish—why should I suffer this kind of punishment? Seduce and destroy, it's all you're good for.
     I hope Sokka is just as empty as I am; I pray you stole a piece of him too. I will not shoulder this pain alone.
                                     ~Zuko

Reina,
     I haven't slept in almost seventy two hours. I think I'm going crazy. Please keep my heart, it's yours and always will be. I hope you're happy, wherever you are.
                                     ~Zu

Reina,
     Do you think of me? Can you think of me? Do you crave me like I crave you? I hate that you'll never answer these questions.
     I want to be truthful and tell you how angry I am with you. I'm enraged that you acted so carelessly, that you used yourself as a shield instead of using your powers. Do you know how easily you could have blocked Azula's lightning with your earthbending? Was a life with me that excruciating that you chose death?
     You were right, by the way. My final words to you were going to be about my honor... as if that very thing didn't rest within your gaze. You brought me back to life and in return I ended yours, permanently destroying any chance at redemption; my honor lays with you—wherever you are.
                                     ~Zu