Better days (JJxOC)

I'm sorry

Couple days later we were all back in the bau. People from the academy were having the profiling training, so Hotch sent me along with Emily to do it and then test them.

We saw a few people with a lot of potential, but we'll see how it goes. They were taking the test right now so I went back to the bullpen in the meantime.

I saw JJ talking to Caroline on the other side of the room. It seemed both heated and calm. Depends which one you were looking at. I could tell JJ wasn't happy about this conversation and Caroline was pleading. I raised my eyebrows and looked at them when Derek and Spencer joined me.

"They make a cute couple, don't they?" Derek asked quietly.

"They, uh, certainly are standing next to each other, yeah," I said nodding.

"What?" He asked.

"They're not a couple anymore," Spencer said, "JJ ended it last night."

"What?" I asked, "Why?"

"I don't know. Garcia told me before she realized she was talking too much. She didn't say anything else," he told me.

"Interesting," I said turning my gaze away from them, "I need coffee."

"How about decaf?" Derek suggested.

"How about not?" I asked, "What's the point of drinking coffee if it's decaf?"

"When you start having heart problems, don't say I didn't warn you," he said.

"Too late for that buddy," I said patting his shoulder and went to get my coffee.

I went back to Emily and the class to see how much longer they needed. When they were done we took their tests and packed them in our bags. I couldn't wait to get back home, I really wasn't feeling this day. Even coffee wasn't helping.

Fortunately for me we were allowed to leave early as there was nothing more for us to do. We went back home and I went straight to my room and got in bed. I planned on sleeping til the next morning, but of course I couldn't fall asleep. A moment later I got an unexpected text. One I wasn't really sure how to respond to.

Jayje
I'm sorry

Maya
Seems like an accurate feeling

Jayje
Can we talk?

Maya
Are you gonna tell me the truth this time?

Jayje
I can't. Maya, it'll just mess everything up

Maya
Well from where I'm standing there's nothing more to mess up really

Jayje
It's not on you

Maya
I'm aware, when you wanna address what's really going on let me know, in the meantime, good luck Jennifer

She didn't respond to that anymore. I can't even begin to explain how much it hurt to turn her down like that, but Emily is right. I put her above myself for long enough, I can't afford to spiral again.

Nevertheless it's not easy at all. I put my phone back on my nightstand and stared at the ceiling for ten minutes before I couldn't handle it anymore. Tears started rolling down my cheeks despite my best effort to stop them.

I don't do that. I compartmentalize everything like a pro, why was something like this getting to me? To make it even worse, I heard my door open and saw Alex walking in. I wiped my eyes and looked at her.

"Hey," she said softly sitting on the edge of my bed, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I smiled and sat up against the headboard. I knew she wouldn't believe me, but it was worth a shot, "I didn't know you were coming over today."