The one that got away

2. Finally

Some years ago...

"Med school!"

Nasigawan ko si Nathan nang wala sa oras. Sinong hindi sisigaw sa mga sinasabi niya? He was leaving the band for good to get into that fucking medical school. 

"Diba ayaw mo namang maging doctor?" Nilapitan ko siya. We were all sitting at the sidewalk near our house. Ako lang sa grupo ang hindi natahimik sa mga sinasabi ni Nathan. Even my brother was speechless upon hearing his decision. Umiling ako, parang hindi ako makakapayag na aalis si Nathan just to follow his father's dreams for him. Hindi naman iyon ang pangarap niya bakit iyon ang gagawin niya? 

Ako, si Caleb, Kerky, Lex and Nathan -- we all have the same dream and that is to make music. 

But right now, things are really getting out of hand. Paano na ang banda kung aalis ang isa?

"It's not about what I want anymore, Cal... Even if I don't want this, I need to to do this." 

It was my turn to be quiet. Nathan looked pretty serious about what he just said. Muli akong naupo. I saw Caleb tapped his shoulder as if comforting him, as if telling him that things will be fine but I knew that it's not. It will never be fine. 

"We're here for you, Nate." nakangiting wika ng kapatid ko. I sighed. I mimicked what Caleb said and sighed again. Wala na akong magagawa kundi ang tanggapin ang katotohanan na malalagasan kami ng isa. 

Pastels will never be pastels if Nathan is not a part of it.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. I stared at my friends and it seemes like everyone is moving forward. Si Nathan mag-pre med na siya this school year. Kerky is planning to take up architecture at pumasa na siya sa Ust. ex will go to DLSU to take up Insdutrial Psychology and my twin brother got accepted in UP at hindi lang iyon scholar pa siya samantalang ako, I'm always the slow Calen. I don't even know what I want to do with my life right now. I'm not sure.

I spent the next few hours hanging out with my friends pero wala talaga ang isip ko sa mga nangyayari. Naulinigan ko na lang si Kerky na nag-aaya sa village park para mag-skate board. Tahimik lang ako habang naglalakad kami. When we got there, humiwalay ako sa kanila at naupo sa isa sa mga beches doon. 

I was in deep thought when somebody blew air in my ear. Napatayo ako sa gulat. 

"Fucking shit!" I cursed. Hinarap ko ang taong nagbuga ng hangin sa aking tainga. 

"Aneonghaseyo!" 

Again, I was mesmerized by that sweet smile of hers. 

"Cinderella..." 

"You cursed!" she said. Nanlalaki pa ang singkit nitong mga mata habang sinasabi iyon. Muli akong naupo. 

"Hindi, that's french." I just said. I saw her moved around and sat beside me. She stared right at may face. Nakadama ako ng pagkailang. May dumi ba ako sa mukha? Bakit niya ako tinititigan ng ganoon? 

"Huy, bakit?" 

She just shrugged.

"Yaya Minda is teaching me some talong words. She said that I should practice speaking the native language of this country." 

"Talong?" bigla akong naguluhan. "You mean tagalog?" 

"Isn't it the same?" nakakunot ang noong tanong niya. 

"Jin hye," I called her Korean name. "Talong is eggplant. Tagalog is a dialect." 

"Ah... I see." she said nodding. "Gaji namul."