Suicide, Skittles and Skates [✓]

Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"If you don't open up this door right now I'm gonna–" Alex heard Tyler threaten pounding on the door a few hours later. He had completely forgotten he had finally reluctantly agreed that he and Lacey could come over to start the painting before school began again.

Except he didn't want to open the door because Kalila was still there and considering they were both still wearing last night's clothes, he knew exactly what conclusions his friends would automatically jump to.

Not that any of that had happened of course.

After Kalila had told her story he realised what a better understanding he had of her because of it. Now he knew why she was so determined to stop him jumping in front of the train that very first day; she knew first-hand how badly suicide can impact those around you.

They had also spoken a little about relationships and love as they went through the carrier bag of all the junk food they had bought earlier. She had told him how much she hated the idea of loving someone like Natalie had loved Eric, too much wasn't good and in this case it could be fatal. "If that's love – destroying your life for someone else – then I don't want that," Kalila had claimed as she opened the second tub of ice-cream.

Although most of the conversation was one sided, Alex allowing her to talk in order to let out her feelings, he had to interrupt at this point.

"Yeah but I think that if the person loved you back, they wouldn't let you destroy yourself for them because, well, they care about you too much. The foundation of any relationship should be trust because without it any building would fall to pieces right?" He had laughed at this point, shoving a handful of Smarties in his mouth before continuing. "Then again, I'm a teenage guy, what do I know about love?"

Kalila thought about this for a while, hesitating while trying to decide if she agreed or not when the doorbell had first rung. It went on for a while, Lacey's loud voice clear through the heavy wood of the door grumbling and cursing Alex for taking ages. He eventually gave in and got up from the space on the floor that he had been lying on to go open the door.

"Finally! I thought you told us to–" Lacey stopped mid-sentence, her hazel eyes brightening in glee as she noticed Kalila was grinning sheepishly at them from the floor, chocolate wrappers and empty cups scattered around her like fallen petals.

"You should have told us you had company you idiot, we wouldn't have come!"

"Technically he told me yesterday but I didn't expect any of this to happen."

"Maybe we should go, we don't want to interrupt anything."

Kalila blushed, she hadn't even realised what they would think when they saw her here and couldn't help giggling at Alex's annoyance as he groaned. "If you two don't shut up right now, I'm going to throw you both out of the window," he threatened, brandishing a paintbrush as a weapon. Lacey just rolled her eyes as she plonked herself down next to Kalila who offered her the half-melted tub of Cookies and Cream ice-cream. They talked a little about the party and how cute Cameron was while the boys started covering up furniture in Alex's bedroom to get ready to paint. The minute Tyler heard his boyfriends name being mentioned he turned beet red and enthusiastically joined in the conversation.

Alex groaned. He really didn't want to hear about how great the guys butt was or how pretty his eyes were so he changed the subject to the girl with him, Hannah.

"Hey Ty, have I met Hannah before? She looked kinda familiar but I can't figure it out," he asked confused. The question had been on his mind all morning as he knew he recognised her face, especially her eyes, but wasn't sure where from.

"No I don't think so. They go to Pemrose High so maybe at a party or something?"

Alex wasn't convinced but he shrugged and continued mixing the paint. They worked hard for a short while, talking and laughing as they painted his bedroom. Kalila beamed as the room stopped resembling a hospital when her phone rang loudly. The other three shut up with their chattering as she looked for it to allow her to answer it properly.

"Hi mum... Okay I will... Oh crap, I completely forgot about her! Hey Emma! I'm so sorry, I forgot you were coming over. I'm at Alex's flat painting... No ugh shut up Em! Lacey and Tyler are here too so no–"

Lacey laughed, finding Kalila's blushing amusing. She could imagine the sort of teasing she would get from Emma if she were here. 'Ah! That's a good idea,' she thought mischievously. "Why don't you invite Emma here to help us if she wants?" she suggested trying to sound as innocent as possible.

Kalila raised her eyebrows at her and looked at Alex who just nodded in agreement as he reached up to paint a particularly hard-to-reach corner of the ceiling. Emma squealed in her ear as she heard that and so Kalila gave in and invited her over. 'Hopefully once she finds out Tyler's gay, she'll stop freaking out over him,' she thought as the doorbell rang signalling her best friend's arrival a short while later.

Thankfully Emma didn't seem too bothered about gushing over the boys today, turns out she had finally gotten back with her ex-boyfriend Connor. Kalila couldn't even remember why they had broken up in the first place but knew it was something stupid as they both were obviously crazy about each other. Sometimes she wished she could be that happy with a guy but then the memories of her past crept back up on her and she shivered, remembering her vow to never fall in love.

She would never let herself be hurt like Natalie was.

Both the bedroom and the kitchen was finally finished a couple of hours later when the sun had slowly began to set. Lacey jumped up in excitement to admire their work and knocked over a paint bucket, splashing flecks of grey paint on the bottom of Tyler's brown chinos.

"Uhm, whoops?" she said, trying to suppress a laugh from his appalled expression unsuccessfully. When he noticed the corners of her mouth were curving up, he threw his paintbrush at her in mock anger, laughing at the sudden streak of red paint on her t-shirt.

And that is how the five of them ended up almost covered entirely with paint; clothes ruined and tendrils of hair matted together. They were laughing and Kalila couldn't help feeling grateful for her friends, the sadness of last night had completely faded away thanks to them all.

Alex washed his hands as hard as he could, rubbing off the paint before he went to rescue his beloved camera. He put his Canon on the surface and used the small handheld remote he had purchased from eBay to take a few candid photos before they realised. They all stood there posing for one last picture waiting for the flash; red paint almost entirely covering Lacey's hair, blue handprints layered over Emma, grey streaks on Kalila's clothes and both boys with white splatters all over.

Using a picture of all of them in this state for their art project would be great, the laughter clearly apparent. Alex grinned, looking at the few he had taken and imagining how great Kalila would be at painting this. Surely friendship could be counted as part of the beauty of life? It certainly was important in his, being pretty much the only thing keeping him alive.

Some days the feeling of dread would overwhelm him suddenly, the grief too strong to handle, memories swirling about in his mind. Some days he could clearly imagine Alice standing there laughing with him like she always was and then it would hit him, so strong and sudden like an ice-cold tsunami drenching his bones. She wasn't there. And she never would be.

Other days – like today – he would find himself enjoying himself, caught up in the contentment of his life. He would be thankful for the people around him; for his friends for sticking by him and Kalila for not judging him for his suicidal tendencies. Now he understood why stopping from killing himself was so important to her, why she was so adamant in convincing him to want to live.

She was too late to save her cousin but it wasn't too late to save him.