Crazy Stories, Random Rants and Awesome Things About Me

Part 5: Crazy Awesome True Stories about my Kids

this is dedicated to the awesome Dominion... D... because he is awesome... has a sexy british accent... LOL and sexy abs... although he refuses to show us them :(

and he lets us peanut butter his wall!! yeah!!

LOVE YOU D!!

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Part 5: Crazy Awesome true stories about my kids

So... I'm done being sad... Fuck all you douches who are trying to bring me down!! On with the craziness!

So when I'm at work... Crazy shit always happens at my house... Like yesterday, when my kids broke my glass dishes & ripped the cabinet door off in the kitchen :(

But I'm going to talk about some of their best and funniest moments. Oh and I am totally rocking Avenged Sevenfold right now!!

So once a long time ago... Like 7 years ago... I was redecorating my living room... I was putting up a new border along the wall just below the ceiling. Me being as short as I am... Don't make fun of the 5' 1/2" that is my "midgetness" as my son calls it... Bastard...

I had to stand on something to reach up high enough.

Did we have a ladder?

No! Why would have one of those?

Did I rig some ridiculous idea that was completely stupid and dangerous?

Yes! Of course I did... I'm me... Why would I do something safe & intelligent?

So, I decided it would be an epically awesome idea if I stood with one foot on the arm of the dining room chair & one foot on the kitty condo we had in the living room…

Did I mention how clumsy I am? How I am always falling down the stairs… up the stairs… and just hurting myself… unintentionally… all of the time?

No… well, now you know!! I’m clumsy as hell… once I fell down the stairs while I was carrying my son when he was a baby… and I almost took out my other son on the way down… Thank goodness, I saved my children from harm… me… I did not fare as well. But anyway… yeah, clumsy!!

So I was standing with one foot on each of these unstable devices and reaching up to hang the border... which was a pain in the freaking ass dudes... because it was the old school kind that you had to soak in water... and then it gets all freaking sticky... and gets stuck to itself & you... and I am not coordinated, nor am I handy... or crafty... so it was a total freaking mess before anything even happened!!

My son Gavin... Aka GiGi... was 7 & he was helping me... it was all going fine… until I lost my balance... And fell... Smashing the chair into many pieces... And it hurt like freaking hell!!

I had a huge... Size of a freaking baseball... Purple bruise & bump on my shin... Damn!!! Did I say it fucking hurt... Because it did!!

And what were the first words out of my awesome son’s mouth after he stopped laughing you ask?

"Ooohhh!!! Mommy... Daddy is going to be so mad that you broke the chair!! Maybe you should hide it!"

Wow!! Thanks for the love & concern son!!

I was hoping for... Are you okay? Or mom, do you need help? Not daddy is going to be freaking mad.

Kids!! I shake my head.

Then there was the time that my lovely little one Rory was 3 years old and decided it would be a fabulous idea to back the van out of the driveway.

Yeah!! My hubby had just pulled in the driveway with her strapped into her car seat & ran in the house to get something. She was alone for like… 30 freaking seconds… and then… when he went back outside… the van was not in the driveway!!

He looked across the street & saw a van that looked just like ours backed up over the curb in the neighbor’s front lawn…

He saw that it was still running… and then noticed that it was OUR VAN!!

So… we went running up to it & found my lovely 3 year old daughter huddled behind the driver’s seat crying!! Yeah that’s what you get for trying to drive without a license Rory cakes!! Thank the heavens the neighbors were not home… because that would have been embarrassing to explain to them!!

Then… there was the time that I got home from working the evening shift & it was all cold & rainy out. As soon as I opened the front door, the convo with my hubby went like this …

Hubby: the police were here earlier

Me: what? why?  **dare I even ask… no I should have just ignored it**

H: the people across the street called them…

M: what happened?   ** I shudder to think of the possibilities**

H: you’re daughters  **3 and 5 at the time** decided it would be a good idea to have a tea party…

M: okay… since when is a tea party illegal?

H: when they do it at nighttime… on the roof outside of their bedroom window… in the rain… in their underwear…

M: **GASP** (laughing really hard, so hard I almost cried… but then regained composure) oh my god, are they alright? Did they get hurt?

H: they’re fine… in a lot of trouble… but fine.

M: well… that sucks. What did the police say?

H: those foreign people with the accent you can’t understand came over before the police got here and told me they were out there so the police didn’t see them.

M: Oh… well… at least the police didn’t see them there… they could have gotten hurt!! Or we could have been arrested for bad parenting…

H: yeah… it was a real joy crawling out onto the roof to get all of their shit and bring it back inside…

M: this kind of stuff never happens when I’m home…

Ha ha ha ha… good times at the Calabria house!! Every day is crazy, out of control day!!!

Oh… and in case anyone read the last post I had about my heart being crushed… the person has apologized and is being nice to me again… so don’t hate on them anymore…

until they treat me like shit again & I complain about it… LOL

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hope you enjoyed the happier side of me!!! it took a lot of freaking work to get that way & some freaking awesome people who love me...

I am working on WHID... but it won't be ready before the 8th so please don't pressure me or I will get depressed & cry again!!

♥ to my Awesome Pery Army!!