Selfie Inflicted

8

I woke with a jolt.

My face was on my arm on the table and my back ached. I realised I'd fallen asleep and as I sat up jolts of pain flared in my back.

My right arm was numb and felt heavy. I couldn't even move it and it slipped off the table and slapped my thigh. I couldn't believe how heavy it was. Pins and needles began to burn. I tried moving my fingers but I couldn't and my heart pumped at a million miles a minute.

Gradually the feeling returned and I rubbed at my shoulder. I felt awful. Sniffly and sore. My eyes and head hurt. I looked over to see Lyza still slumped asleep on the couch, still snoring.

The room was bright, too bright. The light from my kitchen and from my living room lamp seemed to glare. Their harsh yellow light almost scraping and cutting at the solid darkness that pushed and heaved against the windows.

My computer was dead, out of power. I looked at the iPhone. The damn thing was still on 100% full charge. Its screen glowed, impossibly bright. I felt hot, my skin burning.

I pushed the chair back so hard it fell over making a tremendous crash. Lyza didn't even stir. I walked to the kitchen, reached in the drawer under the sink. Found what I was looking for.

I smashed the hammer down on the phone and the screen splintered into a hundred pieces. I hit it again and the phone split and tumbled off the table, cluttering onto the floor with an echoing crash. I stamped on it, feeling it buckle and crunch beneath.

I kept smashing, striking the hammer down again and again till the pieces of glass grew smaller and smaller and the jagged wires and bits of metal warped.

Then, I got a dustpan and swept it all up, every last piece of glass, every sliver of metal. I poured it into the trash and sealed the bag before going outside and tossing it to the bottom of the trash can and placing bags on top.

I went inside and used spray and clothes to wipe the table down, finding every last little speck I could and cleaning the kitchen so that there was no sign left. I got bleach and wiped afterwards till the room stank and my skin was raw.

Then, exhausted I went to my bedroom and shut the door. I felt my mind fraying and torn and my eyes ached. I got in the bed, drawing the covers up and let sleep take me.

Unsurprisingly I had a strange dream, that when I woke seemed so odd that it almost felt like someone else's dream. Everything had felt familiar yet unusual all at once.

I had been at a park on a beautiful fall day. Children were playing and couples were kissing on park benches, people were chatting and some boys were playing football out on the field. I was sitting on a swing, gently moving when she spoke.

"There isn't room for everyone."

I looked over to see a little girl sitting on the swing beside me. She had big brown eyes underneath a matted mess of hair. Her clothes were old, tattered and covered in mud and muck. I could see her hands and feet – without shoes – were dirty. I wanted to ask if she was ok but she spoke again first.

"It's a special place."

She got off the swing and stood behind me. I looked around to see where her parents were, to see who was responsible for her. She began to push me and the swing moved. I didn't get off, I just kept looking around as the swing moved higher and higher.

"Stop!" I yelled but no one turned.

She kept pushing, and the swing began to shake and shudder. I was certain I would fall off.

"He's here. You'll be here soon too."

"Please help!"

Her voice echoed all around me, snaking in my ears.

"You'll love it here. You'll never want to leave."

I screamed and shook. I awoke to a dark room and glanced at my clock. I could see it was early morning, 5:12 am. I was slick with sweat and felt a rushing sensation of movement.

I shut my eyes and waited till it passed. I wiped myself with the sheets. It was just a dream. That's all. A reaction to the shock yesterday.

I stretched out. Maybe I could sleep some more. I moved my feet and toes out wide, rolling over onto my belly and looking out the window.

I slipped my hand under the pillow and felt it.

Frantically I sat up, clawing at the pillow and throwing it and the covers off the bed.

There, where the pillow had been was the phone.