Play For My Heart

[PFMH] Nine

Jaxter's P.O.V

"Jess?" I whisper. I can barely cough out her name with all the dust in my throat, but I have to say it. Maybe saying her name out loud will make the person in front of me really Jess.

She doesn't turn around. Instead, she runs her fingers through her hair, just like Jess used to do. I don't know why she's here, in the middle of a hot war zone, but she's right in front of me.

My heart starts racing. 'She's here!' I scream in my head.

But within seconds, I'm screaming out loud.

There's a plane in the sky. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal. This is war, after all, and we use planes all the time. But this one, is about to crash.

Black smoke and the panicked yells of the pilot fill the air. I lose all sense of reason. I start running toward Jess.

The only thing I can think to do is get her out of the way. The plane's going to crash, and it's going to crash two feet away from her.

I know this clumsy, lost love of my life. Jess won't be able to save herself. But I will.

Everything happens so fast. Before I know it, I've grabbed Jess around the waist and thrown her as far to the left as I possibly can. I start to get out of the way too, and all I can think about is how different her body feels..

Just as I start to wonder if this girl I just risked my life for is really her, screaming fills my ears. "Jess?" I scream.

Then my body's on fire and crushed and...

I black out.

***

Jess's P.O.V

*One week later*

*Phone ringing*

"Justin? Can you... Can you get that?" I whisper.

"Sure, baby."

I watch my husband walk into the kitchen and answer the phone. While he mumbles answers, I go back to staring at my jean-covered knees. They turn into a blur of blue when tears start again in my eyes. For once, I try to blink them back because I realize how unfair this is to Justin, but it's no use. It takes all I have to not make a sound. I know he hates to hear me cry.

After another minute or so, I hear Justin raise his voice, and then he comes slowly around the corner. Before I can ask what's wrong, he hands me the phone, and then walks off.

I put the phone up to my cheek and clear my throat. "Umm.. hi?" I whisper.

"Hi.. you're Jess, right?" a female voice asks.

It takes me a long time to reply. My name is Jess.. right? "Yeah?"

"Oh, thank goodness. I've been trying to reach you for a week now."

I have to clear my throat again. "Why? And who are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I haven't even told you who I am.. Um, well, I'm Jana, and.. there's something you need to know. Something... something about Aaron. Aaron Jaxter."

I can feel the color drain from my face. "He's dead!" I scream. "I know he's dead already! Why can't you people leave me the hell alone?"

Then, I throw the phone across the room.

Unfortunately, throwing something across the room doesn't always turn it off. So I can still hear Jana's voice when she says,

"Your name was the last thing he said. He thought I was you, and he died trying to protect me. You're supposed to get a letter from him.. I'm sorry, but I read it, and Jess... he really loved you."

Something in me snaps, and I suddenly can't stand to hear another word from anybody.

"SHUT UP!" I scream.

I cram my hands on either side of my head and curl up into a ball on the floor. Justin comes running in. He takes one look at me ,and one look at the phone on the other side of the room, before going over to the phone and cutting off Jana's multiple "I'm sorry!"s and "She had to know!"s. After the call ends, the room gets really quiet. All I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears and my ragged breathing.

Justin looks so torn, and it hurts my heart almost as bad as everything else. I know he wants to comfort me, but he's young and inexperienced, and it hurts him that I'm in so much pain over another guy. Even if that guy... is dead.

So instead of watching my husband fight his own emotions, I get up and leave the room. He tries to follow me, but I close the door to another room in his face. After a twinge of regret, I keep walking.

I know exactly where I'm going, and exactly what I want. I walk over to the dresser across the room and pull open the top drawer. Buried underneath numerous clothes is a dusty, freshly folded letter. With shaking hands, I read it for the second time.

My dear Jess,

I don't know for sure that you remember me, but I think you do. To me, you're the one that got away; the one I wasn't good enough for. To you... maybe I'm only someone you used to know.

In case something happens to me while I'm here, and something probably will, I wanted you to know some things.

I never stopped loving you.

Every day I saw you and Justin together hurt so bad. Even after high school, I woke up every morning knowing that you were better off without me. I knew I'd missed my chance with you.

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I could have done a lot of things, but I joined the National Guard to distract myself. I moved so high up in rank that I was entered into an elite group that went to war with soldiers. That's where I am now.

It's hot and dusty here. I'm hoping that I can somehow sweat away your memory, as disgusting as that sounds. It's not working. You're always in the back of my mind.. I just can't forget your face, your smile, your sneer...

I'd die for you. I live for you, no matter how painful it is. Maybe you forgot about me completely, but I haven't forgotten you.

If you get this, it's because I'm gone. All I can ask of you if that happens is this: remember me. I just need you to know how I feel, or... felt, and keep it in your heart. It'll make you a better person, if that's even possible. I think the world of you Jess. I miss you. I love you. You're the reason I stopped playing girls. You're the reason I never found someone else. They just didn't measure up to you. No one ever will.

Remember me Jess. Please. Don't let me die in vain.

Love,

Aaron Jaxter

The letter falls out of my hands and floats to the floor. I bury my face in the carpet again and sob until I fall asleep.

In my dreams, I see Aaron one last time, but only for a few seconds. All I'm able to say is, "I won't forget you."

I wake up with tears on my cheeks and a new understanding. I know now that he's okay, and he understands. Now that I know, he can be at peace, and so can I. I know I'll never forget Aaron and what he gave me: a broken heart, and then his own heart, meant to fix mine.

Now, I can be okay. There's no guarantee I won't cry for a long, long time. I know I'll still be sad. But I'll heal, especially if I have Justin by my side and Aaron's letter in my pocket.

Love, after all, cannot be forgotten.