Play For My Heart

[PFMH] Alternate Ending

*5 years later*

"Justin! I already told you, I don't want to go to the stupid party!"

My husband pulls out a skin-tight, red cocktail dress and throws it at me. "You're going. End of story."

I usually wouldn't fight against Justin, but I really don't want to watch him get drunk. Again. And I really don't want him to spill whiskey down my dress as an excuse to try to grope me in public. Again.

"Babe.. I don't wanna go..." I whine.

Justin spins around and grabs my arms. "You're coming with me." His voice is slow, low, and dangerous.

"Okay." I whisper. I'd say anything to get him away from me right now.

He doesn't let go. Instead, he kisses me roughly. It takes all of my willpower to not fight back. I've already tried that; it doesn't work.

When Justin finally leaves, I sit down on my bed and try to rub the feeling back into my arms. I'm trembling like a tree in Texas wind. I would've thought that after all this time, his abuse wouldn't shake me anymore. Then again, when I chose Justin over Aaron, I never thought my choice would lead to this kind of pain.

I could do something about this; I know I could. But this abuse is my fault. For all these years, a huge part of my heart has held on to Aaron Jaxter. That's bad enough on it's own, but the fact that I have a husband I can't love with all my heart makes it so much worse. I guess Justin couldn't take it- I know I barely could- because one day he just cracked. He threw everything in his reach and slammed me against the wall. Once he realized that he hurt me, Justin rushed me to the hospital. As soon as I woke up, he apologized over and over again. He said he'd never do it again.

He lied.

In high school, I learned about abuse. It's a vicious cycle. He hits you or hurts you emotionally or mentally, and then apologizes and promises to never do it again. In high school, abuse always seemed so stupid to me. How could a girl let herself be put through that? I just didn't understand it. But now I do. It's different if it's your fault.

Because then you deserve it.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and go through the motions of getting ready. It's no struggle to put on the dress, with all the weight I've lost. I used to worry about how much I weighed. Now I don't, and suddenly I'm barely a hundred pounds.

While I'm pasting on Justin's favorite red lipstick, I wonder what Aaron would do if he were here. Then I force myself to stop thinking about him. I don't deserve him, or Justin, or anyone...

"Jess?"

I wince.

Justin comes into the room and holds out his arm like the gentleman he isn't. "Ready?"

"Absolutely!" I chirp. Moron, I tell myself. The old me wouldn't have backed down. The old me would have a solution to this. But I'm just not that person anymore. If I'm being honest with myself though, I miss the old me. And I miss Aaron.

*Two hours later*

"Just one more drink."

"No, Justin."

"One more drink."

"No."

Then, there's a knife at my throat.

I know what it is as soon as the metal touches my skin. It's not like this is the first time Justin has threatened me with a knife. But this time, we're in public. And this time... he's drunk. I can smell it on his breath.