How It's Said

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Anna’s POV

I make it to my car before I burst into tears. I told that asshole that I fucking love him and he tells me to get the fuck out? What the hell? I have always known Eric didn’t give a damn about me, even before he went into the coma, and now this? Is this asshole trying to fucking break me? I cannot take this shit anymore. I cannot stand being hurt and broken by Eric time and time again. I cannot stand it.

I wipe under my eyes, drying up my tears. I am not going to cry over that dick. I will not let him win. Whether or not he is trying to hurt me, I refuse to let him know he is. He obviously doesn’t care about me, so why should I continue to let myself get hurt by him? That makes me the fucking weak woman that tries to cling to something that is not there. I will not be her, not anymore.

I want to talk to someone, but I don’t know who. Melissa is out with Ethan and Mom and Dad are at work. My fingers scroll through my contacts, somehow landing on Claire’s number. I tap “call number” and listen to it ring. I want to scream when she does not pick up. My best friend isn’t answering her phone when I need her the most.

I cannot help the emotions that bubble up when her answering machine hits.

“Claire.” I sob. “I need to talk to you. I can’t deal with Eric anymore and I don’t know what to do.  I need to talk to you.” I hang up and move my fingers under my eyes, sweeping away the fresh tears.

I want her to call me back. Claire and I have talked each other through so many break ups, whether we were peeved off at the guy or in love with them. I thought I’d been in love with one of my last boyfriends, but God was I wrong. If that was love, that what can you call this electric desire to be near here, to talk to him, to fucking see him, much less touch him. How could I have been in love before when love does not even define the raw emotion I have for Eric.

God damn it, Anna, get your head out of the fucking gutter. You do not give a damn for Eric anymore. He is an asshole, end of story. I do not need to waste my time on someone who does not care for me. I am better than that. I am stronger than that.

I decide to do what any logical woman would do and got myself ice cream and a movie. Fuck guys, fuck friends, fuck family; all I need is a good movie and a carton of ice cream to get myself through this.

I stare blankly at the TV screen for half an hour, spooning mounds of ice cream into my mouth every so often before I realize that this isn’t fucking helping. As much as my mind wants to disagree, I need to see Eric. I need him because I love him. I hate feeling like a fucking doormat, but God damn it; I need him like I need air to breathe. I need him like I need food to eat and water to drink. I need him to live because I love him more than life itself.