When I Eat, I Hate Myself A Little More

Chapter 16

Sorry for the really long wait. I had a bad bad bad bad BAD case of writers block bleagh.

CHAPTER 16

"Oh my gosh so you're Lance's friend? I didn't expect for you two to actually be close!"

I still couldn't process what is actually happening right now.

"Nicole, you're--"

"I know! Lets have a good old chat later okay Lindsey? I'll leave you two be for a bit."

As she said that, she swiftly turned around and left to go upstairs. I just kept staring into an empty space when Lance's laugh brought me out of my thoughts.

"Wow so apparently you're close with the school nurse-- uh my mom huh?"

He was still controlling his laughter.

My anxiety grew stronger. Now he thinks I'm much more weird. He must be thinking that I'm a freak in school that's why I didn't have any other friends except for the school nurse and.. Annabelle.

But I couldn't show this weakness to him. I wouldn't want him knowing anything so I just simply faked a smile and a small giggle, gave a shrug and replied,

"Yeah apparently. This is not happening."

He laughed and I laughed along with him. Obviously the laughter I gave was all just plain fake laughs. Inside, I just felt like bursting into tears right then and there and just disappear, never to be appear again. I was kind of proud of myself to be able to do that, to not break down when I am actually on the verge of it.

Hey I do have some self control at least.

We were just chatting about different things such as his favorite video games, artists and some random stuff. I even told him I liked metal bands and he said he listens to some of them. Examples are like Suicide Silence and a new band, Goodmorning Gorgeous.

We were so into the conversation and my anxiety actually went away. I was expecting this visit to be filled with awkward silences but he never fails to crack me up.

But then of course something had to ruin that first peaceful moment I've had since forever.

"Oh Lindsey I forgot, try my mom's cookies. I swear they are the best and well, it's just amazing so try it!"

Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food.

"You're going to be so fat just like a whale and then Lance is going to push you away. Just like what other people did to you."

But I couldn't stop it. The only thing that's on my mind now is food. I haven't had anything today and I was starving, even the looks of the cookies were so tempting. Then all of a sudden, like a gust of wind the guilt of eating just disappeared. Lance brought up a conversation of his fetish for animals like me and I at least tried to get the conversation going on-- apparently it worked.

As expected, once I was done the guilt slowly, tortured my mind by drifting into my thoughts again. The amount of calories I had from those cookies might be the limit I have for a day. I felt sick to the stomach at the sudden amount of food resting inside me. But I had to hide it.

Lance and I were about to go up and study when Nicole burst through the doors, startling the hell out of both of us.

"Lance, you and Lindsey would be able to study other time right? I have to catch up with her today."

She eagerly grabbed my right wrist, smiled at me then at Lance, practically dragging me into her room. How is she even considered a mother.

Getting into her room and plopping onto her bed, Nicole closed the door and sat down next to me with a big grin on her face.