Who Says I'm a Bad Girl?

Chapter 4

2011 © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Breakfast consisted of me making a total mess. I had cooked myself bacon and egg on toast; the frying pan was left soaking in the now dirty dish water, there was bacon juice and egg shells all over the kitchen surfaces complete with split orange juice and used cutlery.

I had been told by Sam and my mother to never cook in this kitchen again because I always trashed it, unfortunately mum wasn’t here and I’m hungry.

I sat at the table with my feet resting on another chair while eating my fine tasting food; I shovelled the egg into my mouth and picked up pieces of bacon to follow the egg into my hungry stomach. I may have no table manners, but what was the point when it was just me at the table.  I gulped down the fresh orange juice and as I slammed the glass down the front door opened, “YOU UP YET ERIKA?”

“IN THE KITCHEN MUM!” I heard my mum running to the kitchen and I smiled knowing she knew what I had done, she rushed into the room and her eyes widened at the state of the kitchen.“Erika I told you never to cook in here again.”

I shrugged not really being bothered with her moaning “yeah well I have a hangover, I was hungry and you weren’t here so.” She closed her eyes for a moment, her hands tiredly running over her face; I looked closely at her and could instantly notice how messy and stressed she looked. She was wearing blue jeans and an ugly grey jumper that had seen better days, and her hair was shoved back in a messy bun. I took my feet of the chair and sat up, “what’s up mum? Are you still annoyed about me being expelled? Because I will sort it ok.”

After Neil had left I had researched local schools,  seeing as I had been to all the nearest ones I had found one that was an hour and a half away; it meant that I would have to get up extra early and drive myself but I didn’t mind that much.  She dropped her hands and gave me a tired smile, “I will tidy up and then we will have a talk ok?” I nodded while shoving more bacon and toast in my mouth, I could sense something bad in her words but chose to ignore it. If she was going to punish me then she had another thing coming, I wasn’t Erika Harley for nothing!

After breakfast, or very late breakfast seeing as it was past 12:00 I jogged up stairs to get my pack of cigarettes and lighter.  The silver lighter was rectangle in shape and has the engraving of a wolf on both sides; it had been in my possession for as long as I could remember, even before I had started smoking and every time I held it my hands I knew it would always be my lucky lighter.

I jogged back down the stairs and found my mum sitting at the table warming her hands on a cup of tea. She looked up when she heard me approach and shook her head when she saw my cigarettes, “can you please wait a few moments to light up, please?”

I looked at her then at my cigarettes and once more at her before sighing, I guess I could wait. I sat on the chair facing her and placed my lighter and pack on the table.  As soon as I rested my arms and hands on the table a silence encased us both that was both awkward and uncomfortable. My mum was staring at her mug of tea and I could literally feel the nervous energy flowing off her, “what’s up mum?” 

She took a deep breath and finally looked at me, my heart began to thump against my chest when I saw the guilty look in her eyes; had I gone too far this time and she was going to put me up for adoption? I shook that stupid thought out of my head reminding myself that she loved me and we were each other’s only family.

“Erika, were going away on holiday!” The dread instantly left my body and a smile lit my face “seriously, where too? Because I really need a tan."

She shook her head and gripped my hand in hers “no Erika, Sam and I are going on holiday.”

I slumped in the chair “great so how long are you leaving me for?” I was gutted about not going on holiday but then I thought about all the parties I could have while they were away, there would be some serious drinking and mum or Sam wouldn’t be able to say anything.  “Sam and I are going away for a month but you’re going somewhere too,” she spoke her words without emotion and it made my inner panic button itched to be pressed.

“What do you mean?” She looked me dead in the eye as she spoke the words that were going to change everything, “you’re going to live with your dad.”

 Then I lost it I pulled my hands out from hers and kicked my chair back, it hit the wall sending a loud ‘whack’ filling the kitchen.  “YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS?” I pleaded inside that she was just messing with me but by the determined look on my mother’s face I knew what she was saying was true.

“Erika it’s for the best, your father can give you what I can’t”. I turned away from her running my hands threw my hair to stop myself from throttling her, “Erika he wants to help you overcome this rebellious attitude and I now know that I can do no more.”

I faced her once again annoyed back the fact that not just she was saying this utter crap but that she was sitting there so calmly, “mum there is nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly healthy and love you but you can’t just expect me to allow you to throw me away. Especially to Jake who left you for another bitch.” She filched at those last words and I was actually happy to finally get some emotion out of her, “what can he do for me, shower me with money and turn me into a little princess?”

My mother sighed heavily “Erika I can’t stand another day waiting for you to come back drunk from another party, getting calls from the police to say you have been arrested and watching you leave for school praying that you will not make a mistake.” She looked at me long and hard, her eyes begging me to understand but I was far too angry and hurt to; how could I when my own mother was getting rid of me. “I won’t do it anymore Erika. I love you but I can’t help you.”

I clenched my fists “I don’t want your help mum, all I want is for you to be a mum; to love and protect me but it seems that I can’t get that from you!”

She stood up and finally I could see anger shining in her blue eyes “don’t you dare Erika, I love you more than anything but you can’t do this anymore Erika. What about when you reach eighteen? The police won’t treat you like a child but an adult, can you handle prison?”

“I’ve done Juive mum”

“Oh I know that Erika, that’s another reason why you’re going to your dads to sort your life out while I sort mine.”

I scoffed “you mean while you screw Sam,” I wasn’t expecting it especially off my mum but her hand came out of nowhere and slapped me hard against the left side of my face; I held my stinging cheek and looked at her with wide eyes. My mother had never laid a hand on me and it shook me to my core.

She looked so shocked and guilty, my mum reached out for me but I stepped back not wanting her comfort.  “Thanks mum, your the best” sarcasm soaked my every word, and with that I walked away.