Defiance (Harry Potter)

Chapter 15

Cissy didn't leave that night. Neither of us slept. My journal from Reggie grows warm several times, but I don't check it. Cissy's does. "He's still berating you for 'being mean' to Adrien!" She says angrily. I clap sarcastically. "Who cares what he thinks? He's nothing." I say. Cissy's sighs. "We both know that's not true. You dated him, and he said that he didn't want Adrien." She says. I sigh. "It's obviously not like that now. Plus, I dated Sirius and I loved him." I say. Cissy sighs again. "We both know you still love him." She says.
"Yes-no- I don't know!" I say. "I just feel so terrible for dating brothers and still want both of them back!" Cissy looks at me sadly. "You are not terrible. You just don't know what you want. I'm not gonna say I understand, because I don't, but I'll support whatever decision you make." She says. I smile at her. "Thanks Cissy." I say. She smiles back. "You're welcome.
The next morning, Cissy leaves, with the promise to check on me later, even though I insist that I'm fine. When I go downstairs, James is waiting with a plate of pancakes. "Feeling okay?" He asks. I put on a fake smile and lie. "I'm great." James sees right through it. He wraps me in a hug.
Right after he pulls away, Remus, Sirius and Peter come down the stairs. "Good morning." Remus says. I remain silent. Remus admitted to having a crush on me. Does he still? Could I ever like him back? Am I seriously thinking about boys?
Sirius tries to communicate with me all morning. Usually he gives me notes. I don't want James to be angry with him, so I just excuse myself to go upstairs. I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Merlin, I look like a mess. My eyes are red and puffy from where I cried last night. I have dark circles under them too, from the lack of sleep. My normally tame black hair is stuck up in every direction.
I go up to my room and see that my journal from Regulus is glowing. Nope. I am not gonna look. Curiosity gets the better of me and I grab the journal and open it.
Why would you act like the victim?
Adrien is saying that you were mouthing threats.
How could you drag Cissy into this?
I can't believe you would stoop so low just because you're jealous.
Looking at the messages nearly make me burst into tears again. I fall onto my bed and bury my face in the pillows. I just lost my best friend. One of them anyway. I think about how in first year, I began to be friends with the Slytherins. Then I noticed that they were only mean on the outside. Regulus was really sweet and kind to me. We had something in common; our brothers hated us. If I had to pick my very best friend, it would've been Regulus. I'm sure he would've picked me too.
I notice that I have began crying again. I lay into my pillow and sob. Regulus hates me. He'll never want to talk to me again. All because of Adrien. That lying, manipulative, brat! I sob louder, feeling completely alone. Then I hear my bedroom door open. My head whips around and I see Remus standing there. "What do you want Remus? I ask.
Remus looks at me sadly. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay. You didn't look so good. You looked like you just lost your best friend." He replies. At that last sentence, I burst into tears and begin sobbing again. Remus rushes over and holds me. "I'm so sorry! I didn't think that you actually lost your best friend!" Remus says. I give him a small and obviously fake smile. "It's okay. " I say. Remus sighs. "It's obviously not. Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. I shake my head. "Okay. I'll just be your shoulder to cry on then." Remus says with a smile. I smile back through my tears.
Later, as Remus is leaving, I decide to ask him the question that's been plaguing my mind. "Hey Remus?" I ask as he's walking out the door. He turns around. "Do you still have a crush on me?" I ask. Remus chuckles. "Honestly? Yeah. But I know that you don't feel the same way, and just having you in my life is enough." Remus says before walking out.
(A/N) So sorry for the short chapter! The next chapter is gonna have a pretty big time skip.