Dear Jane

January 1

Dear Jane,

its a new year, yet nothing feels like its changed.

i watched as the fireworks went off at midnight in a swing, at the park i saw you at numerous times on my way to work at newman's. you always had a book with you, but i never built up the courage to ask you what you were reading. nevertheless, you were always there after school.

what you did on new years, i wonder. maybe you finally had that first kiss you dreamed of having when the clock striked twelve. i wanted it to be me.

do you remember when we were kids, and you asked me why i was always staring at you? i didn't tell you because even then, i knew it was cliche.

it was because you're the most beautiful creature ive ever seen. not many people saw it, probably including yourself, but i did.

even in junior high and high school, i couldn't help but admire you. you didn't notice anymore though. maybe it was because we drifted apart when we hit puberty after elementary school.

i convinced myself you simply outgrew me, and deserve a better friend, because you do jane. you deserve better than me.

do you ever think of me jane? because i think of you, everyday. when the birds sing in the morning, it reminds me that hummingbirds were your favorite.

i passed a bouquet of purple daisies the other day. it reminded me of how much you loved them, leaving one everywhere you went when we were friends.

im sorry jane im the coward i was, and the coward i am.
that's why im certain you deserved someone better than me.
that's why i let you go.

-P