Change (published)

My First Change

I started this because I was joining the challenge, this isn't from my book Pursued even if it is about wolves too. This was written for the pack challenge. Now it's a book :)
If you like it vote and if you don't... leave quietly
Enjoy
XG

I knew it was going to happen, yet as the last rays of the sun disappeared over the horizon it hit me like a ton of bricks. My birthday last week. Full moon today. My first shift.

In the back of my mind I heard the whine of my wolf, she'd been getting stronger for months now. Even those of us born and raised in the pack had to do this alone, that was alright. What scared me was that not everyone made it home the next morning. Some managed to change but didn't get their wolf under control, they were hunted down by the Alpha and died in battle. Then there were others that just didn't manage the change. They lost the battle before it began, their bodies giving out during the shift from human to wolf.

My fear stemmed from that group. I'd seen it, the end result of an unsuccessful change, something that could happen to me. Tonight. There were two others in the woods changing for the first time with me but they had spread us far apart. I knew we would be watched by at least two warriors, they would escort us to the pack if we managed the change and control of our beast. I shivered and again there was an eerie howl only I could hear.

I could feel the moon well before I caught the first glimpse of it over the trees. My back against the biggest tree I could find I waited while my body heated up. I kept my clothes on as long as I could but by the time I saw the moon, sweat was pouring down my face and I stripped to my underwear. Like everyone raised in a pack of shifters I respected nudity but somehow, alone in the woods, knowing there were people watching me, I felt uncomfortable.

Returning to my seat against the tree I softly started singing to myself. A feeling of acceptance almost drowned me. My wolf was slowly taking control, my emotions weren't just mine anymore. At least she was happy with me, the human counterpart to her wolf. I started an old hunting song my grandfather had taught me when I was little and acceptance turned to a pleased humming. The voice was gruff as it startled me. 'I like your music.'
'So I guess this is it?' I asked the voice in my head.
'It is but the beginning.'
'I've been told.' I replied as the first twinges of pain shot through my muscles.
'We are strong.' She reassured me. It felt good to hear her comfort me and I nodded despite knowing she was in me.

Another shot of pain hit my muscles and my skin rippled before settling down. I glanced at the moon that was quickly rising to it rightful place above us. She took control of my mouth and howled in pleasure but it was cut short as another bout of pain hit my body. It was so much worse than the last. My grandfather had told me something when he told me the song. He'd told me that control wasn't important. My father had heard and yelled at me to go to my room but I'd listened as he verbally ripped my mother's father to bits. The old man had just stood there, taking it all without a word.

After my father had left for work he found me and told me it wasn't about control, it was all about trust. My trust in the wolf to let her do what she knew best. Her trust in me to let her have a say if I needed to rely on my instincts over logic.
'Sit on your knees.' She told me. I didn't hesitate and barely turned before my whole body spasmed. Bones broke. My scream cut off before it fully formed as my face started to reshape.
On my knees with my hands in the dirt I noticed the change in the world around me as the pain drew back. I could see clearer. I could hear more.
Yet my body was once again human. Sweat pouring in my eyes, blood running down my arms where the bones had broken through the skin.

The moon continued as I tried to relax, let it happen, ride the pain like my big brother told me to do.
'Do you trust me?' She asked as I panted, trying to just survive the agony of being alive. My eyes were closed, it hurt to see so much. My response didn't need thought.
'Yes.'
'Good.' Was the pleased reply. 'I will be as fast as I can.' She told me as my body started to boil from the inside out. The image of someone dead between forms had been burned into my brain when I was twelve and it surfaced now.
'That is not us!' She snapped, clear through the fog of pain that consumed me.

The image disappeared and was replaced with the image of my pack. The wolves that waited for me, for us. It took hold as the pain consumed every part of me.
I knew the loud cracks were my bones breaking. I knew that the sweat was mingled with my blood and I knew the millions of needles that stabbed me everywhere was her hair. I knew that but all I could see was the pack. Every breath hurt and any thought I had of given up was roughly pushed aside by the same picture.

They were mostly brown to black wolves. The alpha stood proud at the front in his human form as he had send us off for our first shift. Our Luna giving us one last hug, one last comfort, the last whisper that we would could do this, to trust the moon goddess. His auburn hair a hint of his wolf, her blond hair hinting at a lighter wolf like my mother.

As my face elongated my world started to darken at the edges. The pain was too much.
'Nothing is too much!' She snapped again as her form replaced mine. The human body I had been in charge of for eighteen years was no more. She opened my eyes and showed our arms, now legs. Paws instead of hands forming before my eyes.

This was real.
Her form pushed mine out and with it a scream that had been cut off before it fully escaped. A snout formed, she was sharing my pain. She howled. It was a howl of agony. But it turned into a howl of joy even as our body sank to the forest floor. She had felt the pain of her body forming for the first time as I'd lost mine. Our minds now in the body of a wolf I was supposed to assert my control as soon as possible.

I opened an eye. She let me.
I looked at our paw and turned to look over our new reality. She purred as she felt my happiness at how we looked. Dark, shiny fur with black socks.
And I remembered my grandfather... 'If there is trust a relationship works. If it starts with trust, given freely on the believe that the moon goddess knows best love, grows faster, stronger. If one half is controlled by the other it is harder to love each other. I know the new ways are supposed to be better, child... but they are wrong. The strongest warriors, the best Alphas and the smartest trackers, they all have one thing in common...They trust their wolves. You heed my words little pup. Trust your wolf.'

'He was wise. I would have liked to meet him.' A sad voice told me as I moved, piece by piece, in the unfamiliar body.
'Well, I do my best to show you all my memories of him so you'll know him.'

Our eyes closed as the last pain died down in our tired body. We slept until the sound of a breaking twig snapped us to alert in an instant. I let her take control without fighting and she was on her feet in a flash, her head turning to the sound. A deep breath, focused eyes and two wolves became clear as they slowly approached us.

They're were positioned face low to the ground, making soft whining sounds. They meant me no harm. She could smell pack. I assured her that they were the warriors here to oversee our change and she glanced from one to the other before sitting down with a huff. I giggled in our head. Mum always said I was too cocky and short tempered for my own good but it seemed that my wolf was very alike as she told me. 'They're lucky I didn't kill them, amateurs.'

They waited as she took her time assessing them.
She approached and sniffed every part of them while I complained about her doing it, her amusement was clear in our mind as she continued at a leisure inspection. They were way bigger than us. Warriors. They looked strong and healthy. Finally she stood before them and they rose to their full height towering over us.
We cocked our head to the side deciding they were no challenge we sat down again with another huff. Only then did she give me full control over the body.

They peered into my eyes before one walked away. Some cracks and rustles indicated that he'd changed. Our youngest beta walked out. I hadn't realized it was him and sunk down lowering our eyes. She scuffed and pulled us back up almost instantly.

"You are in control?"
I smiled my tongue lolling out and shook my head 'No.'
The other wolf chuffed like he was laughing. "Can you control your wolf?" The beta asked again sternly.
She wanted to bite him, nothing lethal just something to stop him from asking stupid questions. I chose to use our paw. She conceded easily. It was hard but I managed to write down...'We are one!'
He was clearly impressed as he nodded. "You were faster to change than any other pup."
He held out his hand and we nuzzled it contently.
"You will be a strong addition to our pack."
She agreed and with a small nip at the other wolf asking for a game we bounced into the forest to play before joining the pack.