What If

Chapter 41

"And he slapped me once! You know why? 'Cause I danced with one of his friends! A dance! It's not like I cheated on him with the guy! And yet he wanted to cheat on me and expect me to just accept it? He's got some nerve, that asshole!" Cynthia was on her third beer of the hour in addition to the one or two she probably had had before we started talking. Her speech was getting more and more slurred and she was becoming increasingly upset as she spoke.

We had walked up to the second level of the house into the master bedroom, which surprisingly had been empty. We were simply trash talking about John, something every girl could use after they find out their boyfriend's been cheating on them, or, in this case, attempted to. Cyn had grabbed every beer she could find beforehand, wanting more than anything now to get drunk and cry out her problems.

I was getting more and more worried about her. She was definitely drunk already and was purposely trying to getting herself even drunker. Not that I blame her. I felt incredibly guilty for doing what I did, but she had every right to know. I would want a friend to tell me if I were in her position. I was drinking at the same pace she was, partially from thirst and partially just wanting to use the holiday as an excuse to do something I never really do otherwise.

"You're too good for him, Cynthia," I said, not being drunk at all. "You deserve better."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. She reached up and pulled out her bun, not caring about her looks anymore, just wanting to be comfortable. "And the worst part is . . . he's the one that I want. I can't help myself. I just want him to love me." Her face twisted sadly and she hid her face in her free hand, starting to sob loudly.

I felt horrible. Having never been in love myself, I couldn't imagine the intense emotional pain she must've been going through, although I'm sure it's like getting repeatedly stabbed in the heart. I drank some more, not knowing how to respond to Cynthia's display of depression. I wish I could connect with the situation, but being inexperienced in love and romance, I couldn't really offer much help other than just by being there. "You'll be alright," I said, finishing the beer I had and opening up a new one against the edge of the chair I was sitting in, scratching the arm. Most of the wooden furniture in this house was dented and scraped to hell already, so I doubted Ivan's parents would even notice the differences. "I know it hurts now, but in a few years, you'll meet someone else who's better: ten times the man John'll be, I bet."

Cyn shook her head, taking three giant gulps of her beer, one right after the other. "No, I won't," she cried, wiping her eyes and smearing her makeup. "John was the one. Or at least, he was supposed to be. I pined for him for so long and I finally got him, only for him not to want me at all. I don't understand what happened." She cried even harder and drank even more.

I joined her in the latter. Drinking the beer was only making me thirstier, so I drank even more. I wasn't feeling any of the effects, so I assumed I was okay. Maybe I can just hold my alcohol pretty well, I had thought. "Cynthia," I said, after I downed half of my new beer. "I know John's good-looking and he's got musical talent and he's a charmer, but if he wants to cheat on you, then that's the time to walk away. Even though you're hurting now, you'll only hurt yourself even worse down the road if you stay with him."

She sniffed, her nose completely stuffed up from blubbering for nearly an hour. "I know you're right," she slurred, greatly drunker than she was before. "But I can't help the way I feel. That idiot. I won't let myself get back with him. I have too much pride for that. I just wish this didn't happen. I wish things were the way they were before."

Fuck, I thought, drinking away another beer. I fucked everything up. Why the hell did I have to come here?

"I don't blame you, of course," she continued in her drunken stupor. "It's not your fault. You can't help if someone else wants you. Actually, I commend you for not going through with it. With someone like John that must've been hard."