Homophobic (l.s)

Chapter 20

           

Harry waits until the end of the school day to hand over his assignment. He'd been playing this scenario in his head for days. He was terrified. Louis hadn't even made eye contact since the incident, and Harry wouldn't dare look for more than a second to find out if Louis does look. It was a giant mess. There had been so many thoughts that had passed through his brain that he wasn't sure of himself anymore. He was so sure that there were no feelings involved, but now he's almost certain there is. He knows that if there is the chance there is feelings involved, he would never act on it. It's just a shitty crush on a real shitty teacher.

The sad fact is, he knows Louis isn't really a shitty teacher. Harry knows that Louis says and does thing that have really affected him, but Harry knows he's going through something a lot bigger than he's ever been with. He doesn't know what it is, but he just hopes that Louis is okay.

Harry has to stop himself, and close his eyes. He forces himself to breathe. His heart is hammering against his chest and his hands shake slightly. He's stopped outside Louis' office. Harry shakes his head and opens the door before he can stop himself. The door opens quickly and Harry's eyes instantly fall on Louis. He's sitting at his desk, eyes scanning the papers that are sprawled everywhere. Louis quickly looks up, clearly startled, and his eyes widen for a second as his eyes fall on Harry. Harry stands awkwardly at the door, and he clings onto his bag.

"What are you after?" Louis' voice is monotone

It takes a few moments for Harry to find his voice. He clears his throat.

"I have the assignment that was due today. I just printed it off," Harry starts towards the desk

"Wonderful,"

Harry places his bag in the chair and pulls out his papers. He does a quick double check to make sure everything is correct, and places them on Mr Tomlinson's desk. Louis snatches them from the table and his eyes scan the words quickly. Harry swallows the lump in his throat, suddenly aware of how nervous he was. Louis looks at Harry, his blue eyes twinkling.

"You did well. Well done. Thank you Harry," Louis half smiled, before placing the papers on top of the pile of other students work.

Harry nodded. He knew he had to talk about the other day, but it was a matter of how the fuck he was going to bring it up. This was going to end terribly.

"Mr Tomlinson, I want to talk to you about-," Harry is suddenly cut off by Louis

"If you want to discuss the other day then stop yourself right there. Nothing happened. It was all a misunderstanding. It won't happen again,"

Louis leans back into his chair, crossing his arms. His face is hard, and his jaw is clenched. Harry feels so miniscule under his gaze. Harry can feel the sweat forming in his palms and the nervous tremor in his hands worsening.

"I understand, but I just wanted to talk. Clarify some things. If you don't mind,"

Louis let out a weak noise, and uncrossed his arms for a moment to run his hands through his hair. Louis had never felt this uncomfortable in his life. He was trying his hardest not to focus on Harry. He knows what he did the other day was terribly out of line. He can't afford to slip up like that again.

"Yes. What would you like to say?"

"I just wanted to know what you were thinking,"

Louis frowned and tilted his head.

"You've been acting like I've done something terrible to you. I got you out of a terrible situation and I'm proud of you for getting continual support. You went to storm out of the room after I was saying how happy I was for you. I wanted to see if you were okay. It's my duty as a teacher to make sure students mental health is okay. Especially after what happened,"

"I know you came after me. I appreciate you checking on me to see if I really was okay. I just felt like there was something else there. You looked like you wanted to say something or do something. You were flustered when you let go and said to forget it," Harry shifted his weight onto his other foot, watching Louis' reaction

Louis was beginning to fidget. He was clearly uncomfortable. Louis was watching Harry carefully, and notices how his cheeks were beginning to flush a baby pink and slowly darkening with each second. The blush was spreading across his face and down his neck. Louis swallowed thickly.

"I think we should establish some boundaries Harry. I broke a lot of rules by saving you that night. Our communication is breaking a lot of rules. We need to keep this strictly school related. Sometimes I get ahead of myself,"

"What's breaking the rules?"

"The other day, could have broken a lot of rules. We are just lucky it didn't happen,"

"You were checking up on a student. I was clearly upset," Harry raised an eyebrow

"Harry. There's a lot of other things that are slowly becoming involved. I am here to support you as a teacher. I am glad you're going to see a psychologist. That stuff really does help. Trust me. I know it does. I don't want things that shouldn't be involved, to get involved,"

Harry has a sudden surge of confidence. He can't help the words that escape his mouth. He says it before he can register it.

"Things being feelings?"

Harry clenches his jaw, and Louis looks like a deer in headlights. There's pure panic in his eyes and he instantly goes pale. It's as if the blood has been drained from his face.

"Harry," Louis' voice is low, a warning.

Harry turns his head towards the door, half expecting someone to be standing there. But there isn't. The door is closed and its just Harry and Louis. Alone in his office. It's dawning on Harry what is happening. He's speaking about feelings with his fucking teacher. The room almost instantly feels smaller and colder. The walls almost swallow him alive.

"You wouldn't begin to understand what can of worms you're opening," Louis shook his head

"It's true, right? The things that shouldn't and cannot be involved is feelings,"

"Yeah. They cannot be involved and they shouldn't be. Nor will they be involved,"

"The way you acted the other day indicates otherwise. I have the feeling that you're trying to back track," Harry inhales deeply, and watches Louis carefully.

"No. I don't know who got that idea in your head. I am your teacher. I am an adult, you are a child. I think this conversation is done," Louis points towards the door

Harry chuckles.

"That's all I needed to hear,"

Louis suddenly stands up and moves around his desk. He's suddenly as angry as ever. He walks towards Harry, stopping just in front of him. He watches Harry's face closely. He can see the shade of green in his eyes. All the darker and lighter shades swirling together to create the perfect green. His dilated pupils. He knows Harry is scared. Louis keeps his voice low.

"You heard nothing. There is nothing."

Harry nods without a word and looks at Louis for a second before starting to the door. Even though he looked at Harry for a second, Louis felt like it was a million years. He took in everything about Harry's face. Each eyelash that framed those green eyes, and the blush that was reappearing on his pale skin. His dark lips that he was chewing on anxiously. Louis can feel himself losing control. He's a car speeding down the highway, beginning to spin out of control. He's trying to steer and slam on the breaks. But it's too late. The car has spun out of control. Louis has no control.

"Fuck it," He mutters

Harry has only half a second to recognise what's going on. Louis' suddenly everywhere. His hands in his hair, his mouth pressing feverishly against his own. Louis moved forward with such force that they both slam into the door. So hard that Harry swears he's splintered it. He feels Louis' heat. He can smell his cologne. His hands are in Louis' hair and fuck it's as soft as he thought. His lips are cushions, his stubble tickles his face. Oh my god.