The Life of an Audacious Teenager

Raw

Tonight, I don't understand a lot of things. I don't understand why my younger brother is sleeping next to me whimpering. I don't understand why my older brother was so restless but didn't want to go anywhere. I don't understand why my mother, a normally very talkative person, sat at the dinner table with out much to say. I don't understand what I'm currently feeling. All I know, is that I woke up and I wished I hadn't.  My dad took me to the bookstore and I had thought and thought and thought. We were visiting a place my parents had grew up and on the way back from the store we passed a bridge and my dad pointed to it and said "I had a friend who jumped from that bridge and drowned." I then thought and thought some more, mostly about my past. I had remembered things I haven't thought of in years. I remembered in second grade, a play in which I was one of the lead roles. I was increadibly nervous so I ran to the bathroom and sat in the stalls. A 5th grader walked in and asked me if I was okay and reassured me. She told me I'd do great and if I messed up that it was okay. I walked back to class and the play went smoothly. I cried after the memory. There aren't good people like that anymore. No one asks you if you're okay and actually cares. No one. That's another thing I don't understand. Is it so hard to care for a stranger? Is it so hard to realize that you're not the only person who has problems going on with their life, that maybe it would be okay for just one second if you had put another's emotions before yours? I don't understand. Maybe that's why I feel so empty and useless because you can ask me if I'm okay but you won't care if I'm not. I wonder how that 5th grader is doing now. I hope she doesn't feel as lonely as I do.