song of the chapter: she's a riot - the jungle giants
stargirl interlude is by far the best jam on starboy (all i know is my second fave but like so is sidewalks so) but this is so short im so sorry lmao
15 years old, summer (one year ago)
"Hey, you wanna go with my family and I to our beach house in Canada over the weekend? I'll buy you a cookie," He's smiling at me, all hopeful and sweet. I know he's waiting for me to agree, so I do.
"You really don't have to buy me a cookie, though." But I know he wants to, so I don't reject it. Michael's fragile like that. If he offers something, he needs you to agree, more for his benefit than yours.
"I know, but I will anyway,"
"Okay, let's go then." I ascend the stairs of the choir room and join the lunch line. We get lunch and he buys me a cookie and he goes to his table and I go to my own. Simple. Unlike our relationship. We don't sit at the same lunch table because he has his friends and I have mine. Which I guess would work out if we actually did date, besides the fact that my friends think he's great and Michael doesn't even like his own friends. He prefers mine, which kind of puts us in a sticky situation even though I know if it came down to it, my friends would still choose to stay with me.
"Hey, guys," they greet me back and we do the same thing we do every day, and it's fine. My whole life is a long line of fine and I guess I'm just trying to accept it. All my classes after lunch are fine. It's all fine, except the fact that I can never remember anything and I know its all the Xanax in my goddamn system making me just forget everything, even the things I don't want to forget. My grades are suffering and I don't know what to do besides staying sober during school hours.
The second I get home I can't handle my reflection anymore, I look at myself and all I want to do is forget.
So I do.
It takes three lines before I start to feel anything but the second I do I go to my bed and listen to music until everything fades out and I am numb.
I am nothing.
YOU ARE READING
crash - muke / cake
Fanfiction"The higher you climb, the further you have to fall." Luke's got a dangerous addiction to Xanax due to his anxiety from his PTSD that he keeps from his family and friends, including his best friend Michael, who is getting concerned about him. Luke k...
