song of the chapter: Basement - Oversized
my mom caught me smoking weed with my pal and now she confiscated my phone so im terribly bored bc I cant play 8 ball. and she hates me on top of it and wont let me have any frens over which SUCKS.
15 years old, June (5 months ago)
I can't remember anything. So I'm sitting in the gym of my shitty school staring at the Biology Regents Exam in front of me and I have no idea what the hell osmosis is, but I know I studied last night, didn't I?
This happens too often.
I know I should stop. Trust me, I know. But is being addicted to something even that bad? It's not like I'm doing meth or something. I finish the exam and leave as soon as possible. It might not be the best grade I could have gotten, but it's enough. I wait a few minutes for Michael, and he smiles, all wide and pure and I can't stop staring can't stop staring can't stop staring can't st-
"That was easy. What'd you think?" He asks, and my eyes don't move from his lips.
"Yeah, it was pretty easy. Wanna go to Panera?" He agrees so we walk there.
It takes all my strength not to hold his hand, just thinking about it gives me butterflies and I feel like such a fucking girl and where did I put my fucking xanax this feeling is too overwhelming.
"Want to go to my place? We can watch movies and study," he says after we order drinks, it was too early for food anyway.
"Sure, I'll ask my mom real quick," and thank god she says yes because I really just want to cuddle with Michael and probably get drunk and watch movies and his parents are never home at noon, so that leaves a lot of possibilities and I find myself hoping desperately that he will make a move.
I forget that Michael definetly is not one to make the first move, so if it's going to be anyone, it's going to be me.
When we get to his house, he almost immediately orders a pizza (with pepperoni only).
"Should be, like, twenty minutes," he says, leading me into his kitchen. It's not like I've never been to Michael's house before, so I don't know why it shocks me every time that I see it's terribly messy and smells like dog. Speaking of, his dog, Ginger, runs up and licks my hand as if on queue. She's a golden retriever and I love her and all, but, she stinks. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"
"Sure, you got anything to drink?"
"Like, alcohol or actual drinks?"
"Meh. Either one. Kinda in the mood to drink though, what about you?" Michael nods.
"I think my parents used the bottle of vodka we had, but I have some cognac if you're into that,"
"Gross. Let's put it in Pepsi." So we did. And it was a terrible decision.
We drank it anyway. "C'mon, let's go in my basement in case someone comes home, yeah?" And we do. The doorknob's broken, but his basement smells better than the rest of his house, I guess.
"Can I show you my favorite movie?" I nod, sipping the concoction we made. I almost gag at how bad it is. Michael puts on some romance movie and the pizza comes and I totally forget about interpreting that maybe he put it on because he likes me and wants to watch his favorite romance movies with me or something, because the pizza smells so fucking good and I really want something to wash the taste of nasty cognac out of my mouth.
"This is gross, man," Michael says, referring to the cognac-pepsi. "I have Smirnoff Ice, 'cause my mom's a pansy and that's all she drinks. You can have some if you want instead of this."
"Yeah, yeah, that'd be good," I say, mostly because I hate the taste of alcohol but I really want to get drunk. I'm on my second bottle when the movie ends, so I suggest another. "Let's watch Dope. 'S a cool movie, I watched it with Maya once."
"Okay," Michael says. And we do. Throughout the entire movie all I can think about was when is the right time to kiss the shit out of him? I have to do it soon, because my dad will pick me up soon and I don't want to miss the opportunity to kiss Michael, because I don't know the next time I'll be able to.
"Dude, my mom's home, I can hear her. Hide the bottles!" Michael whisper-yells. I chug what's left of my drink and shove it between the couch cushions. "Michael? What are you guys doing, making out?" (this happened to me irl omg) I blush involuntarily and curse myself because how am I supposed to make out with Michael if his mom is home? I have completely ruined my chance.
"No, mom! We're watching a movie!" She laughs from the top of the stairs and walks away.
"My dad's gonna be here in, like, ten minutes," I say, biting my lip.
"Aw, shit. I wanted to finish this movie, it's good." He says, and I swear the feeling of his hand resting on my own feels like it's his way of attempting to make the first move, but probably not.
"Well I'll stay as long as possible," I breathe out. And ten minutes later I still haven't worked up the courage to kiss him. So just my luck, my dad texted me, saying that he had arrived. "My dad's here, I gotta go," I say, and I have to do it now, or I won't do it at all. So I lean in closer to his face.
I meet his lips for a second but I'm terribly drunk so I fall awkwardly on him after a second.
"Ashton's gonna be mad that I didn't ask you out," Michael says, and I'm surprised he isn't making fun of me for literally falling into him. I blush even harder than I was before.
"Oh," I say, getting up. I don't really know what to say. Why does Ashton have to keep getting involved in my relationships? "I, um... I gotta go, I'll see you later?" I don't try to kiss him again in fear of making a fool of myself all over again.
"Yeah, see you." So I stumble up the stairs and out of Michael's house.
Why am I such an idiot?
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crash - muke / cake
Fanfiction"The higher you climb, the further you have to fall." Luke's got a dangerous addiction to Xanax due to his anxiety from his PTSD that he keeps from his family and friends, including his best friend Michael, who is getting concerned about him. Luke k...
