Chapter Twenty-One

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I trailed along behind Dexter as he led us to the gym’s cafe. There were a few people sitting around tables near the front, but after buying two mugs of hot chocolate Dex led us to a booth at the back, where he deposited the mugs on the table and scooted so his back was in the corner with one foot propped up on the seat. He pulled me towards him and I settled between his legs, his arms wrapped loosely around my waist.

                I was still feeling pretty miserable but trying to hide it since I know he doesn’t like it when I get self-deprecating. It’s difficult to see yourself as attractive, though, when you finally admit to yourself that your boyfriend of two years wasn’t all that attracted to you.

                ‘So there’s something I think you need to know,’ Dex started awkwardly, and I knew he wasn’t comfortable with what he was about to tell me. I braced myself; it sounded like the beginning of a break-up speech but the way we were sitting seemed to lend towards something else.

                ‘There a reason Gary never tried to sleep with you,’ he said haltingly. I started to panic internally, thinking he was going to tell me that it was because I wasn’t sexy enough for sex or something. ‘He should have told you himself, but I can kind of understand why he didn’t... Oh god, I’m not good at this. Um. Have you ever studied biology?’

                I shook my head. ‘I know how it’s done if that’s what you’re asking,’ I said dubiously, and he snorted in nervous laughter.

                ‘That’s not what I’m asking,’ he assured me, then paused and took a deep breath. ‘Look, Alex, when we have sex, whenever that will be, it’s going to be amazing – whenever we do it, however we do it, whether you want to be top or bottom – it will be incredible.’

                I turned to look at him incredulously. ‘You’ll be top,’ I said monotonously.

                ‘What?’

                ‘That’s not even a-... You’ll be top.’

                ‘Oh thank god,’ Dex breathed in relief, letting his forehead drop onto my shoulder for a second. ‘Sorry. I just, I mean, if you wanted to be top I would have gone with it, but... Wow. Okay, we’re going off topic here. What I’m trying to say is, stop worrying about whether anyone is ever going to want to sleep with you, because I do want to sleep with you, and not to be conceited or anything but I hope I’m the only one that counts at the moment.’

                I smiled, trying not to blush and failing.

                ‘The thing with Gary... I know you’re kind of fucked up over it and I don’t blame you. I guess when you’re too close to a situation you can’t see the things that are clear to everyone else.’

                I frowned and turned around to look at him again. ‘What are you talking about?’

                ‘Um.’ He bit his lip. ‘Have you ever heard of asexuality?’

                My frown deepened in confusion. ‘Isn’t that how plants reproduce?’

                ‘Some of them, yeah. But it applies to humans too... In the broader sense the term just means somebody that doesn’t feel sexual attraction. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the people this person chooses to surround themselves with, it’s to do with sexuality.’

                ‘So...?’ I was being exceptionally slow.

                ‘Gary, Alex. Gary is asexual.’

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