Chapter Twenty-Three

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Monday, November 7th, 2011

Okay, so I haven’t written in like a week but bear with me. I just found out the hottest, nicest, funniest, sweetest, most patient, understanding guy I’ve ever met has had some sort of brain malfunction and subsequently fallen in love with me – I’m on a euphoria high and spending every waking moment either with him, or talking about him.

                I know. It’s kind of pathetic. I’m sixteen, I should be mature enough to be in a relationship and not spend every second daydreaming about the guy I’m with, but I reserve the right to moon over Dex for at least a little while. I had a “mature” relationship with Gary and look where that got me.

                Speaking of Gary. Now that the mid-term break is over and we’re back at school I guess I’m finally gonna have to talk to him. I’m sitting in my room right now “getting ready for school” – ie, sitting in my underwear on my bed writing in my diary because I’m freaking out so bad over having to face him. I don’t know what I’m gonna say. Should I tell him I know about the asexuality thing? Should I give him a chance to tell me himself? Or should I just avoid that issue altogether and break up with him properly for some other reason, like the stunt he pulled at the Hallowe’en festival?

                Andie says I should definitely bring it up – the asexuality, I mean – because she says that if I didn’t already know, I’d have a right to, and it’s selfish and unfair of him not to ever tell me. But then she’s known for over a year and she didn’t say anything either so she might just be trying to deflect my annoyance away from her and towards him.

                Teegan said if she was with a guy and found out that he was asexual she’d keep the relationship going because she finds all variations on sexuality fascinating. But then she remembered that a) her brother and I are in love now and b) she thinks Gary is a controlling asshole, and just shook her head.

                Dex has been pretty tight-lipped about the whole Gary thing since he first told me. Maybe because of the stupid way I reacted in the gym’s cafe, maybe he doesn’t want to upset me anymore or risk me turning back into an immature little brat. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to think about it. I don’t know.

Whatever anyone else says about the situation, I know I have to at least talk to him today, and put an end once and for all to whatever remnants of the relationship he’s still holding on to.

I wonder if he really is in love with me, like he said? I hope not. That would make this a hundred times worse.

Later

Of the emotional rollercoaster that my life has been since my parents’ separation and the Andersons moving in next door, today might have to go down as the one with the most dramatic ups and downs.

                Okay. I need to take deep breaths and start from the beginning or I might just give up keeping record of my life altogether.

                So. I drove us all to school as usual, but this time Andie slyly sat in the back and, looking bemused, Dex sat in the passenger seat next to me. Andie and Teegan were both smirking like they’d done something really clever and cunning, but for all the jittery excitement I fall into when he’s not around and I’m thinking about him, I can be surprisingly normal in his presence. Even when he leaned over to kiss me on the cheek and the two witches in the back seat started sniggering. You’d swear we’d only just met and were getting off to a good start on a blind date or something.

                Even though I kept my eyes peeled for him all day, Gary successfully avoided me until lunch time. It was really nice outside considering it’s November so we all put our jackets on and went to sit on the grass under the big oak tree at the front of the school, the wintery sunshine blinding us despite its lack of any substantial warmth.

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