ANON. ❪ KTH + ??? ❫

twenty-six

hi !

i really hope you, lil bean, are reading this,
and not like the janitor or something. that
would be awkward. but if it's the janitor,
um, hi! hows it going. pls put this back

i could have sent this through text, but i opted
not to because it just seemed too...casual? and
nothing about this is going to be casual at all, so

can i just say that this is my 6th draft
of this letter and the last five attempts
made me want to end my life...haha..ha

probably because the other times i made these
really pathetic attempts at small talk that neither
of us give a single fuck about at this point, so this
time i'm just going to cut the crap alright?

i'm moving.

i'm moving, okay? really far away. i've known
i was moving for a while but i just didn't want
to tell you because then you'd just want to meet
even more and you know, taehyung, you know
that if we meet in real life, it's just going to be
more difficult when i leave, don't you? but i
knew that even if you were aware of that
fact, you'd still want to meet. so i just
didn't tell you. you understand,
right?

because what's distance when we just text?

i'm sorry you could never get close to my
counterpart, the me in the flesh and blood,
but you see why not now, don't you? i, anon,
will always be only a few buttons away, but my
counterpart will be a few cities.

so it's okay, right? it would only
hurt if you knew knew himㅡhim
being me. that's kinda creepy isn't
it, calling myself him. yikes

i'm sorry, taehyung. i'm sorry that i couldn't
be there for you when you needed someone,
i'm sorry for being a terrible excuse of a
friend, i'm sorry for never allowing you
to really get to know meㅡand most of
all, i am sorry for being anonymous.

i love you. keep smiling that big smile of
yours, keep making friends, keep being
you, my ray of sunshine, my lil bean.

lots and lots and lots and lots of love, like
so much love you don't even know, okay?

ㅡANON.

"anon," taehyung breathes.

it's a breath that he's been unknowingly holding, escaping his lips in the form of a whisper of the word, shoulders slumping with the exhale. he'd inched down the letter so cautiously, expecting and anticipating a name to pop up at any secondㅡonly for this. anon.

he stares at the four letters for a few seconds, a frustrated kind of rage beginning to bubble in his gut. he wants to do nothing more than scrunch the paper into a ball and throw it across the corridor, to scream and thrash and throw a tantrum.

but he doesn't. instead, taehyung draws his knees into his chest and rereads the underlined part the letterㅡit soothes him, oddly enough.

i'm moving.