Red Pointe Shoes

Chapter 19

A/N: Another wait, as always. I blame school.

Chapter Nineteen

When I was younger, my father taught me never to act under assumptions, nor let one ever cross my mind. He had said that assumptions were gambles, they could either pay off, or not. Moreoften than not, they would prove to be wrong. Perhaps I should've took his words to heart more, because I had foolishly assumed that I was safe, that my secret would be safe, and look where it got me. I stare at Nat like I've seen a ghost, taking in every inch of her bewildered expression. Her mouth is pressed into a thin, pale line. At my side, my hands start to tremble ever so slightly as I fumble for the right words to say. None of the half assed excuses or ramblings that I think up are making it out, though, and Nat takes the silence as an indication for her to speak.

"Why... Why were you there?" Her voice is faint, distant, as if she's trying to convince herself it's a dream. "Maybe you were just a spectator? Right, nothing more. I mean, that's silly right? You? A fighter?" A little nervous laugh finishes her sentence, and her eyes dart around, not able to settle on me for a moment. It's as if she's the one in the wrong here. The little pieces of my compusure, that I;ve began to put up after that experience with Evan, starts to crumble again. I can see it, her faith in me waning like the midnight tide. Soon, it'll be gone like it was never there. I reach out for her, as if that little action can keep her close to me, as if it can stop her from slipping away. She shies away from my hand, shaking her head. "You know I don't like them, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. You couldn't have been one of them."  Nat manages a small, shaky smile and attempts to walk back into our room, but I hold her back with a hand to her shoulder. She's found out, like I knew she always would eventually, but I never actually imagined that it would ever happen. Now that it has, I just can't leave it to fester.

"Nat," I whisper, "Nat please. It's the truth, I didn't mean to..." 

"Mean to, what?" She bites, whirling around and shoving my hand away from her. Her eyes are accusatory, hurt. They glisten under the light of the desolate hallway. Nat seems almost hysterical. "What didn't you mean to do?!" Her voice rises with every syllable in pitch and volume, and I know if it continues, she'll wake the whole corridor. Frantically, I hush her, but it only seems to make her more and more agitated. Desperate, I grab her wrist and pull her along the corridor out to the main living area of the dorm, where it's dark and far enough from the rooms to not be heard. 

"Nat please, I'm sorry, but I was scared to tell you!" The words fall out of my mouth on their own accord, my brain too overwhelmed to plan out a coherent speech of apology and all that. "I'm still me, no matter how you look at it!"

"The Avery I know wouldn't lie to her best friend," Nat whispers, the sudden silence unnverving after her hysterics. I stand there, unsure of what to do. Half woven apologies and pleas slip away from my mental grasp like water from the sand. "But maybe, the Avery I know is a lie." The words hit me harder than anyone could ever have, and I almost double over from the sheer venom that's in her words. I struggle to come up with something, anything, but I am left dumb as I watch her angrily march out into the street, slamming the door behind her. The loud bang echoes and jerks me out of my stupor. For a moment, I'm afriad someone will come down to check, but when no one does I heave a sigh of relief. 

Hurrying outside, I wander aimlessly, trying to catch of glimpse of Nat. The campus is practically emoty at this time, but who knows what could happen? In the stillness of the night, an angry shout, followed by a girl's answering yell, quickly catches my attention. I sprint towards where it came from, ignoring the strands of hair that fly into my eyes. The street curves slightly to the right, and when I turn the corner, I am greeted with a terrifying sight. Three guys, mostly likely from the Martial Arts faculty surround Nat, who's glowering back with an equal fierceness. On the ground lies a bag of chips, spilled. 

"I already apologised," Nat jabs him in the chest, "What else do you want? Besides, it's just chips!" 

"You should have looked where you were going, instead of barrelling down this place like the fat pig you are," The boy growls, grabbing her wrist in a tight grip. She winces imperceptibly, and that's what makes me cut in. Striding towards the group, I wrest Nat's hand back from him, stepping in front of her protectively. The boy looks stunned for a moment, before his features go back to his angry scowl. 

"Look, here's some money," I grab a bill from my pocket and shove it into his hand, "go buy yourself another bag, okay?" He opens his mouth to protest, but closes it and settles for a glare instead. "Or would you rather act like a child and throw a tantrum over something like this?" 

"Get outta this place," He snaps, turning back to his friends, "and don't come back!" That's good enough for me, so I forcibly drag Nat back towards the dorm, ignoring her loud protests in exasperation. Eventually she stops yelling and wrenches her hand back, mumbling profanity under her breath. The stubborn girl ignores me for the remainder of our walk back to the room, making a show of turning her back to me whenever she could. I suppose I deserve it. 

The next morning follows in the same manner, so does lunch and class. Even Evan makes a point of avoiding me, not because he's scared, but because he's undecided. Everytime I look at him, I can see the confusion in his eyes, the way he moves to say something but stops himself. Perhaps I should push him, try to get him talking to me again, but it's not my place to do so. You can't just force someone to trust you, you have to show them why and let them come to it eventually. 

The loneliness that sets in is crushing. I've never felt anything like this before, and I never want to again. Nat goes out of her way to stay out of our room as much as possible, and when we do meet, she acts like she doesn't see me. The tension between us is noticeable to anyone with eyes, and the rumours start to spread, like it always tends to do. The first person that dares to approach me with one is Linda Salisbury from our pax de deux class, who corners me right after, when I'm untying my pointe shoes.

"Hey," The brunette greets carefully, bending down beside me to slip off her shoes. "Is it true Natalie slept with Evan?" 

"No," I reply curtly, standing up and yanking off my other shoe, stuffing it into my bag. "now please keep your nose out of my private business." I'm not normally this snappy, but the sidelong glances and whispers grate on my nerves. My patience has been fraying since the start of this morning, and I'm not sure how long it'll take me to snap. But hey, at least I said please.