The Stars Lie {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

Before I Let Go

Chapter 18—Before I Let Go

Claire

They reached the room and Claire's bubble of happiness was broken, as the diagrams and books on the table, were a harsh reminder of the daunting task they had ahead of them. What if she never made it home? She had told Shane she would try... But, even if she made it home, could she try now?

Claire felt silent tears fall from her eyes, hoping Myrnin wouldn't notice her struggle...she had already caused enough pain. It was a lost hope, because Myrnin was by her side in an instant.

"What...what is it?"

"You don't want to hear it," Claire warned, looking away from him.

"Claire, I would never turn my back on your tears. Tell me what is troubling you."

"I feel like shit – and I can't change that. I told him...I would try to make our relationship work...and then I left...I have to make it up to him."

"And you think he is going to respond, by you showing him how guilty you feel?"

"No, I..."

"You think you still love him" Myrnin said as a statement, not a question.

Claire didn't say anything and she could see Myrnin believe he was right in his assumption. But Claire knew he wasn't...not anymore. A silent war raged inside of her. She was desperate to somehow repair the pain she had caused Shane. When you hurt someone, you were responsible to fix that damage. Claire told herself. But the only way to truly make things right for Shane would require forcing herself to let go of her compulsion toward Myrnin.

Myrnin continued, cutting off her soundless struggle. "Do you honestly think you would be here with me, if you loved him?" Myrnin's eyes took on a new intensity as he took a deliberate step toward her. "Do you honestly think your body would respond to my touch, if you loved him? He climbed onto the bed with her.

As if to prove him right, Claire's heart beat pulsed in her head, at his closeness. She knew he could hear it, as she watched him smile.

He looked at her lips and then his eyes dropped lower, as he trailed one hand gently along her curves. Claire shivered and stared at him...what was she doing? Claire knew she was fighting a losing battle, as she got lost in Myrnin's hypnotic eyes. He slowly lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her softly.

Claire reached to touch his chest, undoing the last button on his shirt and then slid it off slowly down his arms. Myrnin growled in pleasure against her lips and deepened their kiss, running his tongue along her bottom lip. Without breaking the kiss, Myrnin pressed forward until he was on top of her. Claire moaned deep in her throat, as his body made full contact with hers, and instinctively wrapped one leg around him.

She entwined her fingers in his hair; wanting to be closer. Their kiss intensified and she felt Myrnin rock gently forward against her. They were still clothed but she couldn't miss his intention or his desire for her. She gasped and arched her back into him.

Suddenly Myrnin pulled away. "I...can't..." he was breathing hard and dropped his head.

Claire struggled to understand what she had done wrong. Confusion mixed with pain crossed Claire's face, as she spoke barely above a whisper, "Why?"

"You were just crying tears over him, and now you want to be with me? Myrnin shook his head, "I can't...I won't numb the pain of him, for you– you have to face that and decide. I won't share you; and I can't let myself...get to that point in my mind. I wouldn't survive the loss of you after that...." His eyes watched her in agony, begging her to understand. "You can't ask me to do that...."

"I'm....I'm sorry," Claire's face crumpled as she tried to contain her tears

Myrnin gently tilted her head up to look at him, "You know I want you..."

Claire couldn't deny the sincerity in his eyes.

"But that is the problem – I want ALL of you. When that time comes; I want it to be me, and only me, that completely and utterly fills your thoughts."

"I don't know..." Claire hated to say the words, but she couldn't lie to him.

Myrnin wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "I know," he said simply. "Sleep now, Cariad."

Claire settled back on the bed, knowing she needed to decide soon.