Five times

The Kiss

When I found out that Meredith had slept with Derek the night of the prom, I was pissed. I was pissed and I was jealous, and I wasn't surprised. I'd treated her horribly and she reacted the way even I would; by lashing out and doing something stupid.

I was on a rage; I'd found her panties in Derek's pants and immediately knew that I wanted a divorce. The rage bubbling inside of my chest was unbearable as I packed my things and headed to a hotel room. I could hardly see straight, anger consumed me.

When I went into work that afternoon, I was ready to slit somebody's throat. Meredith wouldn't look at me, Derek seemed to be avoiding me altogether, and I was full of rage.

It eventually had gotten so bad, that I decided to take a much needed trip to the NICU to hold some tiny babies. I needed to calm down and the tiny babies did that, I could feel my blood pressure lowering as I entered the NICU and put on a paper gown.

"Hi Serenity" I cooed at the baby I'd named just a month before. She gurgled happily as I picked her up and rocked her back and forth. She had been released from the hospital and into the care of social services, but her foster parents had brought her back to the hospital after she'd stopped breathing one night and turned blue in the face. Her foster parents were so shaken up, that they left her here and decided they couldn't foster a baby who had medical problems. Just like that, she was alone again.

She'd been doing well ever since she had been admitted to the hospital; because of her preemie status and the accident that lead up to her birth, we wanted to keep her in for a little bit until we knew exactly why she stopped breathing. All the tests we ran were inconclusive, we had no reason to keep her, but I was too nervous to let her go home with another foster family where she could possibly stop breathing again.

It was safe to say I was fairly attached to this baby.

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Grey is in need of a consult in the ER" a nurse had come into the NICU, causing me to sigh and gently lay Serenity down.

"When will social services be coming back for the baby?" I ask, pulling off my gown.

"Saturday"

"Tell them to bring some paperwork; she's going home with me"

~

The consult with Meredith had been easy; a pregnant lady needed an examination after a tumble down the stairs and was nervous she had somehow broke her water or her placenta. She was fine, everything checked out, and I was glad that the baby looked healthy.

"Thank you, Doctor Montgomery, for your services" Meredith said stiffly, still refusing to look at me.

"I think you'd need to be saying that to my husband" I whispered quietly under my breath. Even so, she still heard me, and she still took my hand and dragged me down the hall to an on call room. She had my hand in a death-grip, I thought I'd have bruises later, and her anger was clearly written all over her face.

"What the hell Addison?" She demanded, hands on her hips after she shut and locked the door securely behind her.

"I could ask you the same question" I snap "you slept with my husband, after all" I added in.

"You treated me so badly, Addison, I was just trying to see if you were okay!" She fired back with just as much venom lacing her words.

"So you think it's okay to sleep with my husband?"

"You told me that you couldn't bear to look at me and it broke my heart" Meredith yelled "you told me you couldn't fucking look at me!" She was breathing heavily and her hands were clenched. She looked just about ready to kill me.

"You're right, I can't look at you. Because you slept with my husband! Again!" I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Why do you think I slept with Derek, Addison, enlighten me" she mused, raising an eyebrow. I didn't know if she thought this was all some big joke, but that's what she was treating it like. Some sort of sick game

"It doesn't matter!" I screamed "you slept with him! My husband! You went behind my back and you slept with him!"

"BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!" She screamed, before moving so that she's right up in my damn face "I am in love with you and you hurt me, you broke my heart. I wanted to see your heart broken too, as childish as it is" she seemed so defeated, so tired.

And I was in shock.

" Why so you think I couldn't look at you" I tell her "I fell in love with you, and I couldn't look at you because I am scared, I am terrified"

"Then let's be terrified together"

Without any more words, her lips were on mine and we were kissing.

It wasn't some soft mushy kiss, it was hard and fast, urgent and needy. We'd been going so long without each other and this first kiss felt like something from a dream. Kissing Derek never felt like this, his lips weren't soft and small. Kissing Meredith felt like something I'd never felt before, not once.

Standing there, wrapped in her arms with her lips on mine, I knew that anyone else was ruined for me. I couldn't love anybody else now that I knew what it felt like to be kissed by Meredith. She ruined the idea of anybody else, and I was completely okay with that.

"I love you" I murmured against her lips "I am in love with you"

She smiled, and kissed me long and slow.

"I love you too"