Need Someone | [Complete]

Chapter 14: Never Give Up

After that shitshow of a party, I made it back to work for the night portion of my shift. Theresa was kind enough to adjust the other nurse's schedules to help me cover until eleven. Though Tiffany and Denise still hadn't warmed up to me, at least I could trust that they were competent enough to do the job as well as me. In fact, I had begun to hate when they weren't here. I had begun to hate most things at this point.

I sat alone at the nurses' station, secretly streaming an episode of the period drama I never seemed to have time to finish watching. Theresa said she had been leaving Ziggy alone to sleep for most of the day, but he had been abnormally quiet since I got back. When my episode was over, I decided to go check on him.

I walked in and found him lying in his bed, shivering. I went over to check on him and found that he was awake. "Do you need another blanket? I can bring you a warm one."

"What's the point?" he grumbled.

"You look cold. What do you mean, 'what's the point?'"

"I'm fucking dying. It doesn't really matter if I'm cold or not."

"Ziggy, stop it."

"I shouldn't have agreed to this. I should have just left it alone. The pain before was nothing compared to how this feels." I stared at him speechless. He glanced up at me before settling back onto his pillow.

"What are you saying?"

He looked me right in the eyes and said, "You should have let me die."

His words hit me like a punch to the chest. My eyes clouded with tears. I felt I couldn't breathe. I couldn't take any more of this tonight. I left his room and ran for the bathroom.

I started crying before I made it, but I waited until I was alone in a stall before I completely lost it.

I sobbed, leaning against the partition as my shoulders shook. I felt like my chest was tearing apart with the amount of guilt that I felt. I did this to him. He didn't know it would be this hard, he didn't know whether it would be worth it. But I did. I had seen all this before. I hung my head in my shaking hands and cried harder, the tears streaming down my cheeks faster than I can wipe them away.

When I heard someone else come in, I stifled my sounds. I gripped fistfuls of my hair and let out a silent scream. I stand in my painful, silent stupor while I listened to the other person use the sink, and then eventually leave.

I sat down on the toilet seat and wiped my face. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and focused on taking deep, even breaths.

It was too many reminders for one night, too many failures and regrets. Painful memories gathered in a knot in my throat, but only one thought filled my mind.

I can't let him give up. I just can't.

Awhile later, I walked back into Ziggy's room with the warm blanket. He glared at me, but when he saw my face, his anger diminished. "You've been crying."