Need Someone | [Complete]

Chapter 17: Saying Goodbye

I waited in the hall, not wanting to leave until I knew he was under and the surgery had started. I kept catching myself gnawing my lip and forced myself to stop. I only managed to do so when my teeth turned their frustration to my nails.

He is your patient, I reminded myself. I wrung my hands over my turning stomach. Patient. As much as I tried to lie to myself, it didn't work. A huge portion of my heart was lying on a table getting ready to be cut open and all I could do was fidget in a hallway and do my best to send out positive vibes.

The door swung open and the nurse came out. "Is he under?" I asked.

"No," she said to my surprise. "He's feeling a little stressed and is asking for you. Could you come in for a minute?"

"Of course!" I stood up and followed her inside.

She and another nurse draped me in a gown, and after some sanitation, fitted me with gloves and a mask. I entered the room and whimpered when I saw him. Ziggy was already strapped to the table, his arms spread wide. The heartrate on his monitor was fast, his eyes flickered around the instruments that surrounded him. When he saw me approach, his brow furrowed. "Hey," he greeted me.

"Hey, I'm here." They gave me one of the stools. I sat next to him and reached back to hold his hand. He squeezed it. "Are you nervous?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. I wasn't before, but it's all happening so fast. And . . . I don't feel ready anymore."

"You can do this. It's a quick nap for you, then you'll be out of surgery and waking up in a much more comfortable bed than this."

His lips twitched into a weak smile. "Or . . . this could be the last time I see you."

I breathed back the emotion building in my chest. "Don't say that."

He shook his head. "I've accepted that part. Dying." I laced my fingers through his and gripped his hand tighter. "I mean, I won't know either way. I'm gonna go to sleep and maybe I won't wake up. I don't know what to expect, but at least I know it'll be painless. Which is nice," he mused. "I think I . . . I think I just feel guilty."

"Why?"

"Because I'd be leaving you."

I stared down at him completely speechless.

"You got me here," he continued. "No matter what happens, good or bad, I had a chance because of you. And I love you for that." I didn't want him to see me cry but I couldn't fight it much longer. "I want you to know that I'm thankful for everything you've done. And . . . if I don't make it . . . I don't want you to think that you did something wrong. You are amazing at everything you do, and I never, ever want you to think you are anything less than perfect." My tears blurred my vision. I desperately wished I could kiss him. "You did absolutely everything you could and more. I am truly, truly, thankful."

I tried to blink away the tears, but they dropped anyway. "I don't know why you're saying all this. You know you owe me roses and lobster."

He smiled. "Right. How could I forget?" I laughed through my tears but he grew serious again. I felt my heart stop when he stared into my eyes and whispered, "I love you, Sabine."

"It's time," the anesthesiologist said.

I looked up at him and pleaded for more time. Ziggy continued to look at me, his hand gripping mine tight. I watched the tears roll down the side of his face. I didn't want this to be goodbye. "I'll see you when you wake up," I said to him.

"I really hope so," he said.

He turned and nodded to the anesthesiologist. He placed the mask over his face and instructed him to take deep breaths. I watch his eyes blink slowly before closing. His grip loosened on my hand.

I stared down at him for a moment longer. The shattered pieces of my heart left my chest feeling empty, yet pained.

I stood and nodded to the team as I left. I waited until I was alone in the hallway before I finally let myself cry.

With my back against the wall, I slid down to the floor and sobbed.