Doctor Who: The Evangelion Error (Book One)

E3 Part 1: Are you human? Y/N

Tokyo-3 First Municipal Middle School. Late August 2015.

"Good morning, class. Are we sitting comfortably?"

There was a moment of silence. "Sir, we're... standing, actually," Hikari finally said.

"Ah. So you are." The Doctor glanced to the side as Mr. Koike left the room. "You can stop that now, I think."

The class sat down. Shinji sunk down into his seat. This was bad, he thought. This was very bad. The train had been one thing. The transmission in the Eva the other day - well, actually, he'd been wondering if he'd just hallucinated that or something. It wasn't like someone could just break into a military channel, right?

But now the Doctor had somehow followed him to school. Creepy did not begin to describe the situation. Neither did weird.

"So, English!" The Doctor took off his coat and threw it onto the teacher's chair. "English, English, English. Right. Let's see what you know. Can anyone tell me the full English alphabet? Song optional?"

No one said anything. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "No one? Really?"

"Err, Mr. Smith?" Kensuke stood up awkwardly. "We... don't actually raise our hands here. You're supposed to call on us with questions."

The Doctor grimaced. "Oh, right. Japan. Thank you." He picked up the class roster. "Okay, in that case, let's go with -"

Shinji gripped the sides of his desk. Oh, God, he's going to call on me, he thought. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't -

"- Ms. Ayanami!"

Shinji glanced over his shoulder. Behind him, Rei Ayanami - the only other Evangelion pilot in the city - silently rose to her feet. Her pale face revealed absolutely no emotion. She was - with the possible exception of the Doctor - the strangest person Shinji had ever met. In the month since he'd arrived, he'd only seen her smile twice: once when talking to his father, the other on request.

She'd also slapped him that one time. Which was okay. He was pretty sure he'd deserved it - though he wasn't quite sure what for.

"So, Ms. Ayanami," the Doctor said. "Can you tell me the English alphabet, in order?"

"No," Rei said.

The Doctor nodded. "All right. Fair enough. Do you know any words in English? Doesn't have to be anything complicated - 'hello,' 'goodbye,' 'happy birthday' -"

"I don't know."

"Hmmm." The Doctor scratched the back of his head. He gave Rei a quizzical look. "Don't suppose you could tell me the First Law of Robotics?"

Someone in the class giggled nervously. Rei stared at the Doctor. She said nothing.

"Right, never mind, just wondering. Thank you, Ms. Ayanami. You can take your seat again." The Doctor turned to the chalkboard. "Starting from scratch, then. No problem. So, English! Bit of a mess of a language, all things considered. But that's what you get when you leave Norse and Saxon and Celtic to stew on a little island for a few hundred years. And French, of course - you can thank old King William for that one. Bit of a hard man to like, Willy. Your standard feudal overlord type. Had something of - well, let's call it a weight problem... Dead shot with a longbow, though. Have to give him that..."

***

"That," Kensuke declared. "Was. AWESOME."

"Geez, are you kidding me?" Toji snorted. "I couldn't event tell what that skinny idiot was talking about half the time."