It's funny how we don't understand things in life till we look back and reflect.
How our torturous path was just that, until we pause up and really...
check?
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I often wonder what my life would've been like if certain things hadn't been done.
If for one I'd never felt suicidal, if I'd never held that gun.
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If I'd never said yes to that first hit of weed, if I'd said no to drugs.
If I hadn't stolen those bags, if I hadn't become one of those thugs.
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I consider where I would've been if I'd never gone tired of seeing my ma in tears.
If I had still been the same broken boy instead of the one who lived on for years.
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If my home was still there and not here, and from the nightmare I'd never waken'ed,
If my bruises hadn't healed, if my father's lessons I'd never taken'ed.
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If I'd never spoken up, if my ma had never felt shame...
If none of this had ever happened, would I still have been the same?
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Would I have moved here and gone to high school, would I have met my best friend or would I have gone to Sidney?
Would he have saved me from my slow death and would I have given him my kidney?
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Had my father not taught me how to take a punch, would I have survived a sudden beating?
Would I have mugged people on the street or learned a proper humane greeting?
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If say I'd never taken a little X, would I even have met my ex?
Would I have turned into a man that a woman and mother proudly could say that she respects?
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If I'd never looked at death and wondered if it was there I belonged rather than here...
I probably never would've written a single poem; I would've left that up to Shakespeare.
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Funny how things happen, how getting through black fog leads you to a place you never thought you'd end up, like a blind nomad,
I didn't know it while it was happening, until it led me to a special place; Wattpad.
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Had I never been through all this pain, heartache, near death and loss of love and friends, where the fuck would I have been today?
We all can't see it, but now I don't care; I'm right where I want to be, and I intend to stay.
