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L E O N I E


For the last month, Heath and I have been doing all sorts of stuff on all sorts of surfaces in my apartment. He spends most of his time here if we hang out. We've gone to Jade's once or twice. Including the Halloween party that I went to dressed as Betty Cooper from Riverdale.

Everyone thought it was quite amusing to see me with a high neckline and a pleated skirt on. The loafers were comfortable though. And the ponytail looked cute. Heath came as a doctor. It was the easiest costume, so he said. He borrowed some scrubs from the hospital and stole his mom's stethoscope for the night.

I had to admit, he looked hella good in his doctor gear. The scrubs fit him like a glove and the sleeves sat tight around his biceps. I spent the entire night all over him and it had nothing to do with the looks that he was getting from other girls. Nothing at all.

But it had been a week since Halloween and I hadn't talked to him much at all. And I knew that on some level of subconscious, I was retracting on purpose. Because today, the sixth of November, was Benny's birthday. And as per our new tradition, the squad had plans to go and spend some time at his burial plot.

I hadn't told Heath. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want him to feel weird that I was grieving a past relationship. I had every right to grieve. But I didn't want to hurt Heath's feelings.

I also knew that it wouldn't hurt his feelings. He was more mature than that. So I had no logical reason to keep it from him. But I did. And in the morning, when Bray sent me a text to let me know that the squad was downstairs waiting for me, I read his text message one last time and closed it.

Hey. You okay? Haven't talked in a while. Miss you. Let me know if you want to do something tonight x


It was a beautiful morning. A little cooler now that we were in November. But Miami was never cold, cold. The six of us sat on the grass in front of a headstone that read,

Benny Lancaster.
Beloved son, brother, partner and MMA champion. Sorely missed, never forgotten and loved eternally.

Benny's mom, dad and sister's grave read similar messages. On our drive here we'd picked up four bouquets and laid them on each one. We'd brought food with us to have an early dinner. And for an hour, we sat and talked. We talked about the past. We talked about the present. We filled him in on our milestones and the best part was all the laughing that we'd done.

Alex, ran his fingers through the blades of grass, the wind tousled his hair. "Do you think that he's been with us today?"

There were a few distant smiles among us. As though that would be perfect. To know that he'd been sitting with us, laughing along to our nonsense. Perhaps his hand was on top of mine. Perhaps he'd look over at me whenever I thought aloud about a specific memory and he'd smile at me with that dimpled grin and thick lash framed eyes.

Amy, who was leaning back against Ethan offered an answer. "I have a theory about the afterlife," she said. "I don't think that they remain wit—"

"Give it a rest," I said. It wasn't harsh but it was to the point. She closed her mouth and pouted. Bray seemed grateful that I'd told her to quit it. No one wanted her negative input.

"Well," Jess smiled, patting the ground in front of her. "Come on Benz. We're going to Jade's. You're the guest of honour. I'm riding shotgun though."

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